Search Quotes
#4102
1719
⚐ Report//Patrick Shan jokes are the new Chuck Norris jokes, Jacob Kirkendall jokes are just true... Patrick: Patrick Shan has never seduced a woman. The word seduction implies that he had to try. Jacob: Jacob Kirkendall has never seduced a woman. EVER.
#3924
2323
⚐ Report//Discussing Analysis classes, and how they're abrieviated as ANAL: Kirkendall: How's that class going for you? I hear the teacher's a pain in the ass.
#3909
02
⚐ Report//In period 9 POE, first day. Evan and several others: It's a Mag Geo reunion! Jacob: But, wait, where's Jyotiroop? //realizes Das isn't in the class Jacob: Noooooo! I want my Das!
#3908
1620
⚐ Report//In Pundzak's class, discussing instances of being judged based on appearances. Jacob: I'm often objectified by women because of my sex appeal. I always have to be like; "Ladies! My eyes are up here!"
#3825
88
⚐ ReportIntercom: Pardon the interruption, could you send Jacob K. down to the main office? Dvorsky: Sure, but he'll be missing crucial information that- Intercom: Of course, he's not in trouble or anything, well, he might, but not with me, and...[trails off] Dvorsky: Did she just ignore me?
#3798
55
⚐ ReportRaanan: I can't do the splits anymore. //Raanan pretends to cry Jacob Kirkendall: Welcome to manhood!
#2824
1212
⚐ Report//While going over homework in Magnet Geo Rose: *Something about triangles* So can I get some vigourous head nods, everyone? Jacob: WHOA! This is a mutant carrot! Class: ..... T.C. (looking intently at Jacob's lunch): That carrot is mutated. Rose: OK, so now that we've had our weirdo moment for this class...
#1878
88
⚐ ReportSwaney: You know what I think our next crisis will be? A global computer virus that knocks out all computers. Jacob: The good news is, our traffic computers are so old, they wouldn't get the virus! Swaney: No, Chloe controls the traffic lights. On 24, Chloe can tap into the traffic lights. Chloe can tap into anything! //silence for a few seconds, then a few students start to snicker Swaney: *pauses, then realizes what he just said and laughs* DON'T PUT THAT ON BLAIRBASH!
#1877
1212
⚐ Report//shortly after the National Science Bowl Stein: I heard you met the First Lady. Jacob: Yup. Stein: Mr. Pham said she was impressed by him. Jacob: What? No, what happened is that, after the game, Michelle Obama and Steven Chu were walking down the first row shaking everyone's hands. We were in the fifth row, so we pushed our way up. When they came to us, Mr. Pham said, "I doing this 13 year, never has President or First Lady come." And she smiled and said, "It won't be my last year." Stein: That's not how Mr. Pham told it. He said *he* convinced her to come back next year!
#1752
410
⚐ Report//freshman R&E and robotics elective are sharing the lab Freshman 1: What's your name? Freshman 2: What's your name? Jacob: I don't have a name. Freshman 3: He's Jacob Hurwitz. Freshmen 1 and 2 (in unison): YOU'RE JACOB HURWITZ? Freshman 1: I thought Jacob Hurwitz was someone else! The kid with the glasses and... //Jacob looks puzzled Freshman 3: You're some legendary figure. Everybody knows you, but nobody's seen you.