Search Quotes
#12146
88
⚐ ReportGlenn: Rabies vaccine can be very unpleasant. You can get it in the stomach, thigh, and butt. Yongle: I'll take it from the butt.
#12144
33
⚐ Reportarjun: "noooo!!! you took the polio away!!!!" [a few minutes later] arjun: "wait, why is polio, like, bad??"
#12137
66
⚐ ReportGlenn: One of my friends had a high school band and it's name was UTI. Glenn: If you're like me it probably means urinary tract infection. Glenn: According to him, it stood for "under the influence" which is not much better.
#12121
1010
⚐ ReportGlenn: So in order to pay off college bills, I took the highest job I was willing to do, which was cutting and preparing cadavers. Glenn: It paid well, mind you. // Later Glenn: Anyone that spends their life working with dead bodies is always a little bit...off.
#12064
66
⚐ ReportGlenn: There’s TESTS!! and then there’s ~quizzies~. Nothing in between. // Glenn: So I came into my neighborhood and I was like “why are all the streetlights off? Why are all the houses dark?” [note: power outage from the plane crash.] But my neighbor Barbara, she has a generator, and so her house was all lit up. And I was like “good for you, Barbara!” // Glenn: Anxiety is not good for your sleep. Cause you’ll just be lying there and then your brain’s like “haHA!” // Glenn: these are the moments where I think to myself, “my kids are never gonna be able to get away with anything.”
#12052
66
⚐ ReportGlenn: If it is pure pandemonium, everything is on fire, it's pure chaos... Glenn: And one of you guys have the capacity to hit the button, do it.
#12022
77
⚐ ReportGlenn: Here is a general rule for my class: students should not put their feet or socks on me. Glenn: When my kids put their bare feet on me I'm fine with it, but when they put their sock feet on me... Glenn: *gagging noises*
#12015
1010
⚐ ReportGlenn: Even Schafer with the grumpy old man affect is a teddy bear on the inside.