Random Quotes 



March 9, 2011, 8:10 p.m.

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Teacher: You want me to tell you a story? I'll tell you a story. A sex story? [Does creepy tongue-waving grin]



Jan. 20, 2021, 8:46 p.m.

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Schwartz: Cats probably know calculus too. Cuz cats are smart



Jan. 15, 2010, 8:51 a.m.

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Hinkle: Ladies and gentlemen, did you know that a few years ago we had a little problem with gypsy moths? There's only one way to kill 'em -- you gotta squish 'em! *Reenacts*



Jan. 15, 2019, 12:31 p.m.

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//sophomore comp sci class Gonzalez: They're doing magnet screening next class. You know, when they pick who can get into the magnet? Well, hopefully they do a better job than 2 years ago...



Sept. 22, 2017, 10:18 p.m.

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Rose: So, do math in your next class! //next period, in History Moose: Put all that math away, it's rude! //students ignore Moose //30 minutes later, Moose notices Jason doing math Moose: Why's your math still out??? YOU'RE A BAD BOY



Feb. 18, 2011, 4:45 p.m.

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Teacher: Ittai, go sit down! //Ittai backs into the corner...and sits in the swivel chair Class: Sit on him! Teacher: Okay, go away! (gets him out of chair, tells a story) Ittai (has written stuff on the board in the meantime): So, are these lines parallel?  Well, if - Teacher: I took you down once, now I have to do it again?!?  If I do this time, you're not getting back up!



Nov. 12, 2009, 7:12 p.m.

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Mr. Whitacre: Don't drink and drive.



Oct. 2, 2020, 2:44 p.m.

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//Playing Jackbox Student: Who is Hugh Janus?



March 21, 2010, 6:59 p.m.

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//Condensed version of a very, very long story (half hour roughly) Sarah: Hey, Mr. Schafer, can you have ice cream that doesn't melt? Schafer: I'm not sure... Sarah: But does it exist? Vishnu: I got this Mr. Schafer, I got this! It can't exist, it melts at room temperature! Student 1: The winner should get ice cream! Schafer: Or cookies! Sarah: But I'd rather have Indian food! Vishnu: My mom makes that, there's always leftovers! Schafer: So if Sarah's right, you bring in leftovers, and if you're right, she brings in cookies. But how will we know who wins? Student: We should vote! Schafer: So, you guys give your evidence, and we'll be the jury. You guys total 30 votes, you two don't get to vote, and I count as 32 votes. Student: That's not fair! Schafer: Life's not fair. Student: This is the strangest bet ever. Schafer: BUSINESS PROPOSITION! //Later on... Bae: I looked this up on my iPhone, and I found this article about it. Schafer: Great, he looked it up, now he's got all the power! Bae: So apparently there's this pudding-ice cream-thing that melts into pudding and therefore isn't solid. There's a picture, too! (shows) Vishnu: But pudding isn't ice cream! Sarah: But it should still count, it starts as ice cream! Vishnu: But it still changes! I win this! Schafer: Yeah, he wins. You owe him cookies.



April 26, 2017, 11:21 p.m.

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"Fish is like plants from the sea." - Kusal