//During concert band Stephens: Willie, are you sure you have the timpani music? Or is it the tuba part? Willie: Oh... this says flute.
//discussing WWII paper rough drafts Stephens: So if your paper says "reinvent the wheel," then your paper is all screwed up.
Mr. Stephens: God created DNA! (See note)
(During class Mr. Stephens begins to yell at us) Student yells back: "Mr. Stephens why are you talking so loudly??" Mr. Stephens yelling even louder: "I'm not loud!"