#10985

13

Oct. 14, 2022, 3:07 p.m.

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Schwartz to a student: What’s that on your water bottle? Schwartz: It looks like a red painted ear of corn.

#10984

33

Oct. 14, 2022, 2:50 p.m.

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Schwartz: This is a math joke, which means it won’t be funny.

#10975

311

Oct. 13, 2022, 1:32 p.m.

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// P7 fot, Schwartz walks in (as Schwartz is about to leave)Sean: I lost the game! Schwartz: I lost!

#10963

1010

Oct. 12, 2022, 3:16 p.m.

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Schwartz: You have limited physical space in your skull. Spend it on better things!

#10955

77

Oct. 10, 2022, 4:24 p.m.

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Schwartz: For those of you staying to help out, there will be food at 5:30. Schwartz: For me, there will be food at 5:15. Schwartz: Hahahaha, suckers!

#10932

66

Oct. 6, 2022, 6:20 p.m.

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Schwartz: Pick a unit of length! Class: Metres Schwartz: You guys are so boring. You could have picked teaspoons per hectare, or something. Too late. ... Pick a unit of time! Class: Seconds Schwartz: Ugh, you guys are killing me.

#10878

66

Sept. 23, 2022, 2:45 p.m.

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Michael Wang: Why are you allowed to square it? Schwartz: Why not? I’m allowed to do whatever I want.

#10863

1313

Sept. 21, 2022, 5:34 p.m.

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//chaotic schwartz anthology, september 21 //this was during a lesson using an applied-linear-algebra problem based on student suggestions "We're going to use this maths for some real-world applications. Anyone who's been in one of my classes before knows that there's a catch, because anything in my class won't work in real life." "How much fun is in cat food? 2. There are two fun in cat food." "How much hydrochloric acid is in cat food? 10." "And how much charcoal is in cat food? Negative three. When you eat cat food, it sucks three charcoal out of you." "I'm so glad I can give examples that are relevant to your everyday life. I want to make sure you know how much nutrition to get from your cat food." "Some of you might prefer flavoured solid rocket fuel, which has some added charcoal." "If I want to calculate how much fun you're eating, I need to know how much cat food you eat each day -- I don't know how much; that will, of course, vary for each of you ..." "We want to make sure that you get enough hydrochloric acid every day." "Disclaimer: please don't eat hydrochloric acid. Please don't eat anything that isn't food for human consumption."

#10842

99

Sept. 19, 2022, 5:30 p.m.

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Schwartz: I asked some students to figure out why [a method of deriving the equation of a plane] works and tell me. Which they did. It was great. Schwartz: They explained it in 3-4 different ways, including one of them who described it with Hilbert's Nullstellensatz. Which is ridiculous. Schwartz: I'm not going to explain it that way, because I don't understand it myself without looking up the details of the Nullstellensatz.

#10841

66

Sept. 19, 2022, 3:12 p.m.

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Schwartz: So now we have, fool's gold, gold, and hkeelhaul!