//playing video of cat playing with ball in track to illustrate path integration Schwartz: As you learned back in Freshman Physics, dogs know calculus. Schwartz: Cats know calculus too, they just don't do it.
Schwartz: The first example is finding the volume of a sphere with triple integration. Schwartz: It's fine, that works. Let's do the harder example. //Hammond bursts in Hammond: Lies! All lies! //later Hammond, holding up a type of laptop: The problem with these is you can't trust students not to steal them. Hammond: You know I'm joking, right? Don't go home and say "the teacher said that we're not trustworthy!" Schwartz: Well, of course they're not trustworthy. They're teenagers. Hammond: Ageist! Schwartz: Developmentalist! Some people are 30 and they're still "teenagers". //later, Hammond examining the whiteboard's ρ^2 sin φ dρ dθ dφ Hammond: There's too much Greek here. //later, Schwartz drawing and explaining a 3D shape Schwartz: This is an ice-cream cone. Hammond: No, that's the Eye of Sauron! //later Schwartz: Let's not blindfold our ice-cream cone.
Schwartz: The fun thing about alumni returning is that they realise that the things the teachers were telling them are true. //later, multivariable calculus and ducks on the board Schwartz, erasing: Nooo! You shouldn't see that. The ducks can stay. The alumni came in and drew ducks. Schwartz, later: I am trying to draw around the ducks. We'll see how long I can keep this up. Schwartz, later: I'm gonna turn this into a thrice-iterated integral, killing some ducks in the process -- and decapitating another one in the process. //later, Schwartz justifying his forgetting the names of alumni Schwartz: I also have a family, and about five people I knew from college who I still hang out with. //students audibly amazed
Schwartz: we're out of spatial dimensions! We can't perceive any more! Schwartz: or, I don't think anyone in this room can... If you can, tell me, because that sounds cool
Schwartz: Pick a number between 0 and 2. Student: 3!
//after Ostrander walks in and doesn't get cake because he didn't prove the FTC Schwartz: If anyone says that you don't need to know calculus -- here's the reason: Schwartz: if you walk into a classroom and you can only have cake if you know the FTC, you can have cake.
Schwartz: Someone fall for my trap card!
Schwartz: We're just completing the square to find the vertex of a parabola. Schwartz: You've been doing this since you were, like, 7, or whenever you took Algebra.
// f_x h + f_y k Schwartz: I want to give this expression a name. What should we name this expression? Student 1: Kevin Student 2: Kevin Junior Schwartz: Excellent! This is so much better than my earlier classes. Schwartz: My period 1 class named it z, and my period 6 class named it θ. Those are lame names.
Schwartz: I have 60 sandwich-tops of bamboo. Schwartz: That is a new sentence of Homo sapiens. I don't think anyone has said that before. Schwartz: If anyone says that in the future, they need to pay royalties.