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May 2, 2024, 1:42 p.m.

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// Lesson on taxes Armand: So the school is committing tax fraud! Schwartz: No, Teacher Teacher the lumberjack is committing tax fraud!



April 24, 2024, 1:10 p.m.

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// Schwartz walks into class Sean: I lost The Game! Schwartz: Oh I lost! Schwartz: A while back, I sent my dad a mug that was white, but upon heat it would change to reveal "You lost The Game". Schwartz: Now that the mug is old it is now stuck on "You lost The Game" but now it takes him a while to get it.



April 18, 2024, 8:43 a.m.

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Schwartz, at Wallops: Mr. Ostrander was BASHFUL yesterday. William Roe: That means he supports BlairBash.



April 18, 2024, 8:42 a.m.

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Will: Mr. Schwartz? Schafer: :/ Will: I'm so sorry Mr. Schafer Schafer: :/ Will: If it makes you feel better, I've already called Schwartz "Schafer". Schafer: That one's acceptable.



April 15, 2024, 12:30 p.m.

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Leo: Jason, can I put your sex cell quote on Blairbash Jason Yao: No Leo: Why not? Peter: say gex Ziyad: but flareon is better Ziyad: I tried it trust Eric Shi: *shows an image of a certain dictator wearing sunglasses* Gugan: no way ziyad's favorite munting buddy!!!! Jeffery: If you say "guillotine" (with hard L) you're gonna be killed by the french teacher Leo: With a guillotine? (pronounced with hard L) Jerry Lu: (enters with math packet for Wallops) Will Roe: Yo can I see Schwartz: NO! He has sworn to secrecy! Jerry: I want to be guillotined! (still pronounced with hard L) Eric Shi: Oh oh oh no (running away) Eric Shi: Guys I think a bee entered the room Jerry: Point and laugh at the bee! Will Roe: (points and laughs) Eric Shi: I'm not doing that (hides in corner) Jerry: Oh wait that actually looks more like a wasp than a bee. I don't want that smoke Eric: (runs out of room)



April 2, 2024, 1:05 p.m.

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Karen: *Rips an incredibly loud burp* Schwartz: Good resonance!



March 21, 2024, 3:17 p.m.

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Annika: My brother's pretty smart Annika: He helps me with my math homework Schwartz: Oh that's pretty cool... wait NO!



March 15, 2024, 10:40 p.m.

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//on March 15 over the PA: the media center will be closed today for an event Schwartz: yeah, the stabbing of Caesar!



March 15, 2024, 1:33 p.m.

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// Alex Liu suggests a visualization of a theorem in Complex *Schwartz writes "Engineer" on a piece of paper, tears it, and tapes it to make a cone* Schwartz: And now I have something to give you for contesting my proof, a hat that says "Engineer".



March 1, 2024, 1:43 p.m.

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Schwartz: No one cares about base 10. Katz: Humans have 10 fingers. Schwartz: Humans also have e fingers -- we just also have another 7.3 or so extra fingers.