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Dec. 11, 2018, 10:56 a.m.

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//In the middle of MathPhys Schafer: (to Schwartz) Why are you calling me? Schwartz: I was trying to close my apps, and I accidentally swiped something... Schafer: He swiped right on me.



Nov. 29, 2018, 5:48 p.m.

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//Multivar period 9 //Fruit tier list is on the board. Tomatoes are in D tier. Schwartz: Intelligence is knowing that tomato is a fruit. Bennett: Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad. Schwartz: Charisma is being able to sell a tomato as salsa. Strength is being able to crush a tomato. Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato. And Constitution is being able to eat a rotten tomato without getting sick. That is the stats of D&D, explained by tomatoes.



Nov. 5, 2018, 3:58 p.m.

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//Multivar pd 9 Schwartz: I lost my voice over the weekend. I went to this... Texan wedding. Like, 3 out of 10 people were wearing cowboy boots. I went to the wedding in blue jeans and work boots, like the ones I have here. They actually complimented me on these boots. We were sitting around a campfire, and I was the one maintaining it, so I inhaled a lot of smoke. Schwartz: Why did I bring up this topic again? Oh yeah, to get you guys quiet.



Oct. 11, 2018, 5:37 p.m.

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//Mr. Wilson, the student teacher, finishes a lecture Schwartz: Notice how they already stopped clapping for you.



Oct. 10, 2018, 7:11 p.m.

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//Multivar, interpreting 3D acceleration Schwartz: If you are sitting in a box that is moving at constant velocity, then you will not be able to feel any movement. You may try this out in a car. //pause Schwartz: But not as the driver!!



Oct. 3, 2018, 5:25 p.m.

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Schwartz: Ninth period is like death and taxes, there's no way to avoid it.



Sept. 17, 2018, 4:14 p.m.

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Schwartz: You can simply use the Law of Large Points to make the point larger. Class: ?? Schwartz (while demonstrating on board): The Law of Large Points states that when you draw a line between two points, and the line doesn't quite touch a point, then you can make the point larger so that it's on the line. James: Hold up, I didn't get that. Can you repeat that again?



May 4, 2018, 4:59 p.m.

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Schwartz: "Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." One student: What's that from? * Entire class shouts out at him that it's from the Princess Bride, Schwartz's favorite movie * Schwartz: I can feel his letter grade dropping.



April 22, 2018, 8:17 p.m.

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//Schwartz, at ARML, about what to put on dietary restrictions/additional concerns sections Schwartz: If a mosquito bites you, and it's itchy, that's great! I don't need to know that. I need to know if you die when you eat peanuts



April 18, 2018, 5:41 p.m.

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Schwartz: At universities, the math department is the second cheapest department because all they need is paper, pencils, and trash cans. //pause Schwartz: Philosophy is the cheapest because they don't need the trash cans