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Feb. 25, 2018, 5:49 p.m.

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//Magnet Arts Night (MAN), Michael and Sarah hold hands and look at each other deeply //A moment of silence before the act ends Student: KISS!



March 23, 2017, 9:01 p.m.

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//Boarding the activity bus, som'a'dem buddy'ol'pals discussing where to sit //Shriyash arguing for sitting in the back, Michael for the front Michael: But it's always quite hot in the back. Shriyash: That's because I'm always there.



March 10, 2017, 3:42 p.m.

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Reethi: Pi day turns into cry day.



Oct. 28, 2015, 1:58 a.m.

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M Fan: "Did you seriously just eat all the candy that I got for Halloween?" H Zheng: "I have a weakness for Twix bars and Korean violinists ;)"



Dec. 15, 2014, 4:47 p.m.

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//Unnamed student (henceforth "Student") is giving a practice SRP presentation on people’s ability to distinguish between speaking and singing. //Student finishes presenting; more than half of the class raises their hand. Mike, to Matthew: Sorry, what’s everybody’s question? Matthew: Like, "what exactly did you do, again?" //Questions went on for half an hour. Below are some highlights. -- Harrison: So basically your project is about differentiating between speaking and singing. Do you have an objective definition of singing? Student: Singing is pleasing to the ears. Harrison: But do you have an objective definition? Student: No. Music is subjective. Harrison: Okay, so basically your project is meaningless. //Student calls on someone else. -- Arjuna: Doesn’t perception change with age? Student: Yeah, but age doesn’t really matter. Arjuna: So are you blocking by age? Student: Um... uh... yeah, sure. -- Eric: How many age blocks do you have? Student: Age doesn’t really matter. Eric: But are you blocking by age? Student: Uh, sure. Eric: So you have a sample size of 24, you have two gender blocks, and you have several age blocks. How will you be able to get statistically significant results? //Class laughs. Student: Well, after we have the data, we’ll figure out whether it’s statistically significant. Matthew: But Eric just figured out that it’s not statistically significant. Mike, to Matthew and Eric: Okay, we’ve determined that the whole project is BS. Let’s move on. //Student calls on the next person with a question. -- Sachin: Can you go back to the first slide? //Student goes back to the title slide. //5-second silence Student: So what’s your question? Sachin: Oh, I don’t have one. I just wanted you to go back to that slide. //Later Eric: Wait, why did you ask to go back to the first slide? Sachin: I just wanted to stall. Eric: So there wouldn’t be any more presentations? Sachin: Yeah, and to troll. -- Eric, to Mike: I think his project is not topologically equivalent to Salamano. //Note: Salamano, a character in _The Stranger_, is Eric’s go-to example of something that doesn’t have holes in it. Mike, to Eric: I think his project is topologically equivalent to a sponge. //After 5 seconds. Mike, to Eric: Actually, it’s topologically equivalent to a Sierpinski sponge, because it has no volume. Dennis, to Mike and Eric: If he did a math presentation, he would understand numbers better than anyone since Morris Kline. //Note: making fun of this ridiculous quote at the bottom of the front cover of this book: -- Ms. Bosse: Did anybody not ask a question yet? -- //This one might not be very accurate. //Kevin frantically waves his hand. Student calls on him. Kevin: You said during your presentation that audio evidence cannot be used in court, but I think that you can in fact use audio recordings in court. Student: Oh, by audio evidence I mean what people say they heard, not actual recordings. Kevin: But what if there’s hearsay? Student: What’s hearsay? //Kevin explains what hearsay is. Student: Oh, but I’m talking about actual recordings.



Oct. 16, 2014, 9:40 p.m.

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//Monday in Symphonic Band: //Richard K. is holding a form Cynthia: Hey, what form is that? Richard: A form to sell my soul Cynthia: If you sell your soul I just might buy it Richard: Wait, why would you want my soul? Cynthia: *witch cackle* Michael Y.: You'd make a very good actress; that was like the perfect witch laugh Richard: No, you don't get it, that's her actual laugh



April 4, 2014, 2:55 p.m.

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//Pd. 7 Schafer quantum. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle was covered during the previous class. //Mike leaves the room right before pd. 7 starts to look for his backpack. Schafer doesn't realize this. //1 minute into class: Schafer: Wait, where's Mike? Eric: He went to look for his backpack. //Mike comes back without a backpack. Schafer: Where'd you go? Mike: I went to look for my backpack and I still don't know where it is. Naeem: Wait, isn't it right there? [Points to backpack.] Mike: Oh yeah, thanks. Student: That's like Brownian motion. Schafer: How is it like Brownian motion? Mike: Wait, no. It's like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. I knew _exactly_ what its momentum was, so I didn't know where it was. Schafer: Yeah, true. He knew _exactly_ how fast it was going, so he couldn't have had any idea where it was. //A few minutes later, Schafer calls on Mike to explain something. The tables in the classroom are unusually arranged, so Mike can't get to the front of the room. Schafer: Yep, I set up these tables like that _just_ so you couldn't get to the front of the room. //Mike succeeds in getting to the front of the room. Mike: Oh yeah? Well I just thwarted your plans! //Schafer throws Mike a marker, but throws it badly intentionally, that way Mike can't catch it. Mike doesn't come close to catching it. Schafer: Ha! What now‽ Mike: To be fair, I knew exactly how fast the marker was travelling.



Oct. 8, 2013, 11:36 p.m.

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Donaldson: So let's say that Michael is driving Laura at 50 meters per second...and let's put Raymond in the middle of the street with them heading straight at him, for simplicity of math's sake.



May 21, 2013, 2:33 p.m.

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Michael: I'm sorry to break it to you, but Santa Claus isn't real. Alex B: Santa Claus isn't real, but Santa CLAW is.



Feb. 20, 2013, 11:02 p.m.

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//Mr. Stein gave out articles to read in his Sports Statistics class.  He just sent out an e-mail. Stein: This kid who lives in my house says I never gave him a copy of the article...