Search Quotes
#2792
66
⚐ Report//Stelzner is a huge Mets fan Student 1: What's alliteration? Stelzner: It's when you're repeating a consonant. You know, like, uhh, 'Sally sells seashells.' Student 2: That was terrible! Mr. Stelzner, you're the Mets of alliteration!
#2791
1313
⚐ Report//during exam review Stelzner: Define assertation. Student: What? Stelzner: Oops, I mean assertion. Gah, guys, I can't read! Student: Would you pass this exam, Mr. Stelzner? Stelzner: I don't know, but I'm a teacher so it doesn't matter. So, define assertation. (pause) No, I did it again! Your English teacher can't read! Student: It's like we're in DC public schools!
#2767
44
⚐ Report//Honors English 12 - during the course registration video, we're watching a movie Student: Hey Stelzner, Dr. Coleman's spying on you. Stelzner: What? Student: Dr. Coleman! He's outside the window! Stelzner: Don't worry. I can deal with him if I need to. Student: Yeah, we can beat him up!
#2737
88
⚐ Report//the joys of Honors English 12 Stelzner: Winter break is really going to suck next year. You know why? Christmas is on a Sunday and New Year's is on a Saturday, so it's just going to be those five days. You seniors have it really lucky. Student 1: Not me, 'cuz I'm not gonna graduate. Student 2: Oh damn, me neither!
#2659
55
⚐ Report//commenting on the English 12A curriculum, which includes existentialism, nihilism, absurdism, and Hamlet Stelzner: I don't know why they keep pushing suicide into seniors...everything goes back to suicide. Student: Do they want us to die?
#2611
33
⚐ Report//a student mumbles an obscenity; stelzner (accidentally?) delivers a lesson in irony Stelzner: Hey, watch your mouth! What the hell's wrong with you? Damn it, Eric!
#2610
55
⚐ Report//injecting modern cultural relevancy into English class Stelzner: There's evidence that Hamlet wears black throughout the play, which is why he's now known as one of Shakespeare's emo characters.
#2537
35
⚐ Report//shattering the english department orthodoxy Stelzner: Everyone teaches that Shakespeare was this wonderful poetic soul who believed in his art. Truth is, he was a businessman. He was a really good businessman. He wrote his plays and he made a shitload of money.
#2407
55
⚐ Report//student is being grilled Stelzner: Why? Student: He looked classy. Stelzner: Why? Student: He was wearing a suit. Stelzner: Just 'cause you're wearing a suit doesn't mean you're classy. Trust me. //Stelzner is wearing a suit
#2406
55
⚐ ReportStelzner: Next year your professors will be experts in the fields they study. Write to them like they're experts! You don't have to pretend they're retarded.