#2767

44

Jan. 11, 2011, 9:06 a.m.

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//Honors English 12 - during the course registration video, we're watching a movie Student: Hey Stelzner, Dr. Coleman's spying on you. Stelzner: What? Student: Dr. Coleman! He's outside the window! Stelzner: Don't worry. I can deal with him if I need to. Student: Yeah, we can beat him up!

#2737

88

Jan. 3, 2011, 8:58 a.m.

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//the joys of Honors English 12 Stelzner: Winter break is really going to suck next year. You know why? Christmas is on a Sunday and New Year's is on a Saturday, so it's just going to be those five days. You seniors have it really lucky. Student 1: Not me, 'cuz I'm not gonna graduate. Student 2: Oh damn, me neither!

#2659

55

Dec. 12, 2010, 5 p.m.

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//commenting on the English 12A curriculum, which includes existentialism, nihilism, absurdism, and Hamlet Stelzner: I don't know why they keep pushing suicide into seniors...everything goes back to suicide. Student: Do they want us to die?

#2611

33

Nov. 28, 2010, 10:33 a.m.

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//a student mumbles an obscenity; stelzner (accidentally?) delivers a lesson in irony Stelzner: Hey, watch your mouth! What the hell's wrong with you? Damn it, Eric!

#2610

55

Nov. 28, 2010, 10:32 a.m.

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//injecting modern cultural relevancy into English class Stelzner: There's evidence that Hamlet wears black throughout the play, which is why he's now known as one of Shakespeare's emo characters.

#2537

35

Nov. 16, 2010, 4:42 a.m.

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//shattering the english department orthodoxy Stelzner: Everyone teaches that Shakespeare was this wonderful poetic soul who believed in his art. Truth is, he was a businessman. He was a really good businessman. He wrote his plays and he made a shitload of money.

#2407

55

Oct. 23, 2010, 3:02 p.m.

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//student is being grilled Stelzner: Why? Student: He looked classy. Stelzner: Why? Student: He was wearing a suit. Stelzner: Just 'cause you're wearing a suit doesn't mean you're classy. Trust me. //Stelzner is wearing a suit

#2406

55

Oct. 23, 2010, 3 p.m.

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Stelzner: Next year your professors will be experts in the fields they study. Write to them like they're experts! You don't have to pretend they're retarded.

#2405

66

Oct. 23, 2010, 2:59 p.m.

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//discussing symbolism of props in Waiting for Godot Stelzner: (writes on board) Leash -- Bondage Christina: Bondage? Stelzner: Yeah, you know, like imprisonment. Not the other...

#2403

22

Oct. 23, 2010, 2:52 p.m.

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//summarizing the absurdist philosophy of Camus Stelzner: If someone attacks you because of your shitty haircut or you're a bad student or you must have stolen that purse, it doesn't really matter.