Anybody: Where is [insert a noun]? Jordan Schneider: "Somewhere over the rainbow getting high."
Jordan Schneider: Have you ever thought you could do a better job than Google? Learn why you're wrong!
Teacher (shouting): SHUT THE HELL UP! You see that? [Points at clock.] 2:25. I don't wanna hear one damn word out of your mouth until the little hand is on the three and the big hand is on the twelve. Understand? Jordan: Yes! Oops. Sorry, sorry, sorry! [Makes a series of humming noises while waving arms.] Teacher (to Jordan): Shut up and sit down. Teacher (to class): See? Now he understands.
Mario: Hey Jordan, did you know that you're named after the country Jordan? Jordan: Well, I'm not named after Jordan, I just have the same name as the country that's all. // as Mario is walking away Jordan: You're named after a PLUMBER!!!
//Shirley and Ben are playing RPS-25 in the lab. Next to them, Jordan is reading a math paper containing integrals. Ben: Dynamite! Shirley: Man! No, sponge! Ben: Woman cleans with sponge! Jordan: Rock paper scissors is stupid. You can tell Mr. Stein that I said that. Shirley: Integrals are stupid. Jordan: No, they're awesome! You should go to their website!
//Jordan complains when Pham advances a slide Pham: Why you not take notes? Jordan: I was copying it down! Pham: You supposed to do it faster!
//Jordan was talking about David Tao's status about 24. Jordan: Wait, Tao looks like a badass. Is he actually a badass? No, he's a tiny ass. He just talks the talk, he doesn't walk the walk.
Mr. Pham: You use da Gauss-Jordan meffod. Jordan Hirsh: WHAT? Mr. Pham: Okay, you know what? I call it da Gauss meffod now!!
//Jordan mumbles something while flossing during Human Rights class Student: Are you flossing?! Ms. Manuel: That's a little eccentric, Jordan.
//Jordan, who sits right next to Mr. Pham's desk, is coughing incessantly Mr. Pham: You know me. If I get sick, I kill you.