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Feb. 18, 2021, 3:47 p.m.

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//complex Schwartz: Michio, because the chat is asking... Are you sharpening a pencil with a pair of scissors?



Feb. 1, 2021, 1:21 p.m.

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//Complex, Schwartz makes a zoom poll Schwartz: Option 1 is you have taken Linear Algebra, Discrete or both. Option 2 is you've taken neither. Option 3 is unused, and Option 4 is "Cheeeeeese."



Feb. 10, 2020, 9:32 a.m.

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// complex Schwartz: *picks up a mug* This is a donut.



May 15, 2019, 5:27 p.m.

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//Complex //Guest lecture by UMD professor Tamas Darvas Darvas: I'm talking about the definition of smoothness you think about when you wake up in the morning. (draws examples) Schwartz, whispering: This is what I meant when I said "Complex is for students who wake up in the morning and think, today's a good day because I have math!"



April 5, 2019, 5:25 p.m.

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//Complex //Haydn ties the window's pull cord to a stool, then places a pen on the string and lets go. The pen moves along the rope and hits the chair //Class looks at Haydn Schwartz: I have a story to tell about this. When I took AP Environmental Science-- do you guys still do that? The easiest way to pass the test is to pick the option closest to "Humans suck, and if we keep doing whatever we're doing, we're screwed". Environmental science is actually interesting, but the test was awful. Anyways, I finished in 45 minutes and had an hour left. It was also my last test, so I had all my AP student labels, and there were tissues, paper, pencils, and other instruments on a table we could go to. By using my student labels as adhesive, I constructed a sailboat during that hour, and whenever the proctor made their rounds, I would blow the sailboat from one end of the desk to the other.



March 22, 2019, 6:51 p.m.

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//Complex Schwartz: As an undergrad, I was in this abstract algebra class with 4 students in it. One of them was a middle schooler. He was just enrolled in one of our classes, and he did problem sets with us. One day he came into class super excited and said: (high pitched voice) "Hey guys! My mom said you guys can come over to our house and work on the problem set together!" Now, back then, we didn't have cars because we were college students. So, his mom picked each of us up and drove us to his house. I think we did our abstract algebra homework in what was effectively his play room. The best part is, his mom would bake cookies for us, which we ate while doing the problem set.



March 22, 2019, 6:51 p.m.

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//Complex //Favid really loves lying down on the tables Schwartz: Hey, Favid. //Favid doesn't respond Schwartz: I said his name. Oh well. I specifically told my analysis students to put their projects on the ceiling, just for you, Favid. You can look at memes while lying on the tables!



March 22, 2019, 6:30 p.m.

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//Complex //Abigail is sitting on a table, and Eli is sitting behind her. Schwartz: Eli, can you see the board? Eli: ... No. Schwartz: I only have one rule about sitting on tables. You can't do it if somebody is sitting behind you. Abigail: Yeah! Eli, you should move! //Eli sits on the table next to Abigail. Now Will Bass's vision is blocked too. //Will Bass stands on the table.



March 13, 2019, 6:43 p.m.

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//Complex Schwartz: The bell will ring now. //Bell rings on "now". Class is in awe. Schwartz: I wear a watch for a reason!



March 6, 2019, 3:54 p.m.

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//Complex Schwartz: I am a pure mathematician. The concept of usefulness is beyond me. //later Schwartz: Math is a strong, independent subject that don't need no applications!