//chaotic schwartz anthology, february 24 //this was during a lesson using applied-diffeq problems based on student suggestions "Warning: don't actually eat charcoal! That's a really bad idea." "When making charcoal, our food that is best served hot, I like to just put it on the oven, and turn the oven on. I like it at 425 degrees, but that's just a personal preference." "What would happen if I removed charcoal from the oven on the surface of the sun?" "The charcoal is magical. It magically knows, depending on where it is, whether to get hot or to get cold." "My house must be really screwed up. It heats some things up, but makes other things cool down." "Awesome! We have now solved global warming! We can cool down the sun by cooking our charcoal on the surface of the sun. This is math, where we get lots of solutions to real-world problems." "These are magical Stevens and Isaiahs. They have no mass, they take up no space, they do not dissolve in hydrochloric acid, and they do not need to breathe." "The glass sprinkles in our tank are evenly distributed at all times, thanks to the efforts of our magical Stevens and Isaiahs." "This is an everyday experience I know you all have. Think of what happens when you dump glass sprinkles in your hydrochloric acid." "Like I said, it's important to connect math to your everyday experiences. I want you to think about what happens when you dump glass sprinkles in your tub of hydrochloric acid, like you did yesterday." "If your magical Stevens and Isaiahs stop swimming, you'll get a film of glass sprinkles on the top. That's not good."
//Freshmen are conducting Chem R&E experiments in R&E and someone starts using sulfuric acid. The smell of rotten eggs starts to permeate the room. Student: EW, IT SMELLS LIKE OLD PEOPLE!