Schwartz: Sorry guys; you found the secret; all of calculus is a lie.
//chaotic schwartz anthology, june 7 "You are immersed in fluid right now. ... I'm not sure why I'm saying 'you', when I should be saying 'we', for I, too, am immersed in fluid." "You are immersed in fluid at all times, so this is not just an everyday experience, but an every-moment experience. I'm glad I can connect maths class to your everyday lives." "They have another depth at their shoulders, which is where their arms meet their bodies, I guess, because that's how shoulders work." "These versions of Schafer and Davis are flat. They are cardboard cutouts of Schafer and Davis. This solves the problem of breathing." "This marker is a submersible -- in atmosphere. Every vehicle is a submersible. Your bicycle ... is a submarine."
Schwartz: So here we have a tank of some liquid. Class: Hydrochloric acid! Schwartz: What? Oh, this is a different kind of tank problem. We're trying to drain the tank here. Hadar: But what about the magical Stevens and Isaiahs? Schwartz: Oh. They'll be drained out too.
// Schwartz monologue I am technically qualified to teach Physics, by the way. You can get qualified to teach a subject by just taking a test. So I went to Schafer and asked "what's on the physics [qualifier] test?" He says "you took AP Physics in high school, right? And you majored in physics in college?" "Yeah." "Then just review what you learned in high school. You'll be fine." Now, in high school, I took AP Physics in 11th grade. And in 12th grade, I took another physics course that went into much more advanced stuff based on multivariable calculus. None of the test was what I studied, and none of what I studied was on the test. I study for the test; I'm about to open the test; I'm ready; I know how to apply Stoke's theorem to these things ... and I open the packet, and the first question is "what is entropy?" I don't know this. Entropy is something to do with heat, right?
Schwartz: If we get to [textbook unit] 7.7, we get to submerge Mr Schafer in giant bodies of water! Class: Yay! Schwartz: And by "Mr Schafer", I mean imaginary Mr Schafer. Class: Ohhh ...
//chaotic schwartz anthology, may 31 "We live in the world of spherical cows and vacuums." "My fervent hope -- bearing in mind how my hope has turned out before ..." "Nothing about this was clear, but do you have any questions?" "All of physics is just calculus. The only difference is that they look at stuff instead of thinking about it." "Schafer is a little stronger than I am -- sounds about right."
//Impromptu Math Talent Show //Andy presenting about mirror pairs Andy: And now for a shameless plug of real-world applications of mirror pairs. Andy: To Schwartz's disgust, because math is strong and independent and don't need no applications.
//Impromptu Math Talent Show //Hadar and Isaiah presenting about mappings Hadar: So, an example of a mapping: "Isaiah" goes to "Ying", "Hadar" goes to "Ernst" ... Hadar: "United States" goes to "of America", and "Schwartz" goes to "Jesus".
Rose: Wait a minute, where's Alma? // Student lifts giant stuffed panda in air Rose: No, that's not Alma.
// Watching fairy godmother scene from cinderella Rose: See, the horse thinks he's gonna be the horse; that's because he's trapped by the class system into thinking that's all he could ever be. // Later Rose: See how the lower classes are rising up and taking control of their masters!