#3521

3436

Sept. 6, 2011, 8:05 p.m.

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//first day of ESS Donaldson: So introduce yourselves and tell us something interesting about you. Hannah: ...I grew half an inch this summer! //whole class starts clapping Donaldson: How tall are you now? Hannah: Five feet two and a half! Donaldson: Well let's pray for another half of an inch... Student: That's never going to happen.

#3819

3436

Nov. 30, 2011, 8:54 p.m.

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Whitacre: If you're all-powerful but not all-knowing, that's a dangerous thing; if you're all-knowing but have no power, you're the UN.

#7652

3436

Oct. 15, 2018, 3:13 p.m.

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Street: I don't need any instructions, I have a hammer!

#9115

3436

April 21, 2021, 1:04 p.m.

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Rose (in a group chat): stop posting our private communications to Blairbash!

#3416

5258

May 26, 2011, 2:37 p.m.

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Milo: Katelin, why did you just draw a giant dick on our transparency? Katelin: It's okay, it was on the back.

#4691

5258

Dec. 23, 2013, 10:53 a.m.

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Pham: You get F! Get out and cloe da door. Sachin: I get out of hallway into classroom. Pham: Get out the classroom! Sachin: I get out the classroom if you get out my mom.

#702

6977

Oct. 19, 2009, 6:09 p.m.

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//defining energy in freshman physics Schafer: We will define energy as the ability to cause pain Donaldson: In my class, we define energy as the ability to cause joy...

#1038

133147

Dec. 4, 2009, 7:34 a.m.

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Schafer: Make like a banana and split! Reckson: No, make like a tree and leave! Schafer: Oh, you have no idea what you just started. Make like a goalie and GET THE PUCK OUT!

#2232

8999

Sept. 29, 2010, 7:47 p.m.

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(Freshman functions, Rose is trying to learn names) Rose: Let me get my Indians sorted out first.

#397

7078

June 2, 2009, 12:05 p.m.

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Shirley: Is that our class? Schafer: Yes Schafer: Ask me another quesion and I'll respond in another language Shirley: Hmm... Okay... What's your name? No, wait- Schafer: Je m'appelle Mister Schafer. Shirley: Okay... What year is it? Schafer: Que es de dos mil nueve. Shirley: Hmm... How many picometers in a kilometer? Schafer: Okay, Italian. [Italian-sounding gibberish] Shirley: What's that in English? Schafer: Go f*** yourself