Schwartz: The fun thing about alumni returning is that they realise that the things the teachers were telling them are true.
//later, multivariable calculus and ducks on the board
Schwartz, erasing: Nooo! You shouldn't see that. The ducks can stay. The alumni came in and drew ducks.
Schwartz, later: I am trying to draw around the ducks. We'll see how long I can keep this up.
Schwartz, later: I'm gonna turn this into a thrice-iterated integral, killing some ducks in the process -- and decapitating another one in the process.
//later, Schwartz justifying his forgetting the names of alumni
Schwartz: I also have a family, and about five people I knew from college who I still hang out with.
//students audibly amazed
//A bunch of Blair alumni guys from the Blair senior class of 2009 come to visit during their winter break, while Mr. Schafer is teaching freshman physics
Schafer: So, *turns to Student 1* where do you go now?
Student 1: Carnegie Mellon.
Schafer: How is it?
Student 1: It's good.
Schafer: See, I'm doing an experiment to see how my former students are--
Student 2: You can experiment with me!
Schafer: [...] Awkward. *turns back to teach giggling freshman*