# #10707

66

June 15, 2022, 7:01 p.m.

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Schwartz: Sorry guys; you found the secret; all of calculus is a lie.

upon seeing integrals without +C in a textbook

# #10435

88

April 8, 2022, 9:46 p.m.

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// Entering the dungeon Schwartz: And here you have the INTEGRAL TROLL. Schwartz: And it says "Fi fie fo fum, I see an n that needs to be turned into a continuous x!"

# #9907

35

Feb. 3, 2022, 4:26 p.m.

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//describing a difficult problem Schwartz: This is awful. I'll make you do it -- once. Schwartz: I'll make you do it so you appreciate how awful it is, and you realise that you don't want to do it.

# #9876

55

Jan. 31, 2022, 4:04 p.m.

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//teaching integration technique Schwartz: You should definitely go to college and call this "swingy-swingy". Schwartz: Everyone will definitely know what you're talking about, and not think it's weird.

"Is that the formal name for it?" "Does that sound like a formal name?" "..." "There is no formal name. That's just a joke around here." //mod note: yeah uh keep watch for blairisms (source: once tried to google oigoig) //see 9866

# #9735

810

Jan. 12, 2022, 12:14 a.m.

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// Anal 1 video Schwartz: You might think that step 3 is setting up the integral. Schwartz: But no, it's me, Dio! Schwartz: I, whatever. That's probably more groanworthy than funny at this point, who cares.

# #9561

1111

Dec. 8, 2021, 3:46 p.m.

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//while drawing a number line with stick figures on it Schwartz: See, there are people at each of these points. Actually, there are infinite people and not just at those points. It's like..... a blob of flesh. Continuous flesh. Schwartz: (pauses) Schwartz: And that is the idea of an integral!

why was That the analogy

# #9402

24

Nov. 18, 2021, 10:33 a.m.

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Schwartz: If f satistfies these conditions, then f is "integrable" on a to b. Schwartz: You might think this is related to something we learned about earlier. It is not! Schwartz: The similar names are from *sheer coincidence*! This is called "integrable" ... because it is integral to our study of calculus!

"something we learned about earlier" == indefinite integrals; cf 9398

# #9398

1414

Nov. 18, 2021, 8:46 a.m.

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Schwartz: You might be a heathen. Schwartz: You might be an ACADEMIC FREAK. Schwartz: You might have encountered something in the past about how this is somehow related to an indefinite integral, but don't be DEGENERATE! Schwartz: An indefinite and definite integral have NOTHINGGGGG to do with each other, just like how inflammable and flammable do NOT mean the same thing! *Entire class breaks down, Stephen Chen very audibly in hysterics*

Schwartz sarcasm best sarcasm

# #9392

1616

Nov. 17, 2021, 8:03 p.m.

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// Discussing definite integration and Riemann sums Schwartz: I know the answer here is 2/3 because of magic. Andy: What? Schwartz: Like I said, it's magic, I just know. Ace: You're using something other than Riemann sums... Schwartz: Nope! I have NO CLUE what you're talking about, that doesn't exist! Ace: He's using some big brain method. Schwartz: Nope! No brain, just magic.

# #9322

66

Nov. 11, 2021, 12:28 p.m.

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// Anal 1 exam last minute cram session, student decides to ask about integrals and curves despite not being on the exam Student: Mr. Schwartz, how would you find the area... Schwartz: NOPE. I have NO CLUE what you're talking about. Student: -under the curve... Schwartz: That's silly! Student: What about the asymptotes... Schwartz: *We're not there yet.* Shhhhhhhh!

A very foolish student tries to ask about integrals