*Albert is discussing Japanese romance* Jason: "What's a tsundere?" Albert: "It's a girl who is hard to get." Jason: "Isn't that, like, every girl?"
//Birthday Speech of Booyya Berhane, Transcribed by Jason Liu "February 17th, 2004, 7 pm, Holy Cross Hospital. There are an uncountable amount of stars in the sky, and on one night, they all aligned, and that was the night I was born. Now I’m not a narcissist, but I have to recognize that I’m one of the greatest human beings ever born. Amen! And being gifted by the heavens, by my friends, by my environment, has really taught me something. Do you know what it taught me? It taught me every single one of you is valuable. But none of you is more valuable than [sic] me. Think of it. This is the zero value point. I’m like up here, this is a limit. You guys are somewhere around here. Thank you for listening guys. You are all valuable in your own ways. Have a wonderful day everybody."
John: Sigma balls Schafer: I heard you
Praccho: I thought you tested positive? Booyya: Yeah, I sent you a pregnancy test! Mr. Schafer: Looks like we got bigger news on our hands.
//Two classes later, the same thing is happening. We're down to 5 or 6 cards, two of which belong to Will. He's the only person who has not been called at all. Kusal: This is BS. Why is Will not getting called? Schafer: How about this? I will make a bet with you. You will pick a card from the deck. If you pick your card, you can choose to not do the next problem, and that will make up for what happened last time. If you don't pick your card...hmm, how best to torment Kusal...OK, what about this? If you don't pick your card, you can guess whose card it is. If you guess right, same deal. If you guess wrong, the next person can decide to make you do the next problem. Class: Ooooo.... Kusal: Whatever, let's do this. Class: Umm. //Schafer fans out cards face down Schafer: Ready? Kusal: Ok. I choose this card. (points to one) Schafer: Which card is yours? Kusal: Six of clubs. Schafer: It's not your card. //Class laughs Kusal: Aaaargh! Ok, let's see, whose card could it be? Aditi: Wait a sec. You said there are five cards. But the cards left are Will's two, mine, Coy's, Anna's, and Kusal's. That's six. Schafer: Oh, I took Kusal's card out a while ago. Class:... Kusal: WHAT? You lied to me! You said "if I choose my card"! Schafer: I'm sorry, when did I ever say that your card was in the deck? Kusal: You know what? Fine. I say it's Will's card. Schafer: Eight of diamonds. Coy: That's me. //Goes to next problem Class: Oh. //It's a really hard problem //Part 2 //Class starts to laugh at Kusal Coy: Hmm... Kusal: Coy, if you do this one, I will love you forever. Coy: No. (hands him the pen) Kusal: FML. Aditi: Mr. Schafer, I know how to do this one. Schafer: Well, Kusal, it looks like you've been bailed out this time. //Class sighs/laughs
//Math phys is doing physics problems in front of the class. Schafer gave everyone two cards, and is calling people by drawing cards. Kusal's card gets drawn. Kusal: Damn it! This next one is going to be the bicycle problem, I just know it. (The bicycle problem is hard) Schafer: Hmm...I will make you a deal. If you can correctly guess the number of the next problem, you can not do it. If you guess wrong, your card goes back in the deck, and I will use your two lowest scores. Kusal: Wait...hold on...yeah, let's do it. //Class murmurs about Kusal making a bad decision //Kusal writes a problem number on the board. Schafer goes to the next problem. Schafer: Yeah, no. It's not the bicycle problem. //Class is laughing Schwartz: Moral of the story: never make bets with Schafer.
//Brassel walks into math phys Brassel: Is Mr. Schafer here? Schafer: (dumbfounded) Well, yes? Brassel: I need to talk to Mr. Schafer about something. Schafer: Speaking. Brassel: ...Oh, I mean Mr. Schwartz. //Brassel sits //A few minutes later, Schwartz enters the room Schafer: Brassel was looking for you Schwartz: (nudging Brassel) hey! Schafer: He also thought we were the same person Schwartz: That isn't completely unexpected, we have the same initials, we're both wearing red...I'm not sure if that's more of an insult to you than to me though.
//Discussing topics for the Math Phys papers Schafer: Avikar? Avikar: I'm doing Noether's Theorem. Schafer: Oh, you mean 'Nother's' Theorem? Avikar: No, it's pronounced 'NUER-ter'. I looked it up. Schafer: This is Murica. It's 'Nother'. Avikar: All right... Schafer: So what's the right way to pronounce it? Avikar: 'Nother'.. Schafer: WRONG!