Ittai: If you've had calculus, this is like breathing. If you haven't, this is like giving birth. And you're a man.
// Ittai runs in late to Study Hall after Pham takes attendance Ittai: Mr. Pham, I'm here. I was taking a piss. Pham: [shakes his head] // Sid and Ostrander walk in Ostrander: These two are tardy unexcused cause you know why? They were heading in the other direction with a girl. Students: Blown! // Ittai and Sid talk Ostrander: And now they're arguing over the girl.
Schafer: So did any of you read your horoscope today? Ittai: Well, I DID read it one time and it said that I would find something good in an unusual place. So I looked at my ass in the mirror. But all I saw was crap!
//during quantum Schafer: So all this matter can be expressed as waves! But if I look over at Ittai, I don't see any waves! Danderson: *puts hands together, does wave motion*
Schafer: We construct Puzzlepalooza teams based on your unique skills. Elliot is great for stuff about crew. Some of you are good for robotics. And Ittai is great at distracting Walstein!
Teacher: So this guy that I was talking about was Jewish, but he didn't like that little "Shalom" I threw in, didn't call me a brother or anything. Ittai: I'm Jewish too! That means I'm a part of the tribe. Teacher: I guess it does. //various students admit they're Jewish (some "half" but with jewish mothers) Teacher: The tribe's getting bigger these days...
//During jazz band, while explaining how to play the build up section of a chart into the solo section. Ms. Roberts: The point of these measures is to party. Ittai, you start the party. Class: *laughs* Ms. Roberts: Huh, yeah, THAT'S believable.
Teacher: Ittai, go sit down! //Ittai backs into the corner...and sits in the swivel chair Class: Sit on him! Teacher: Okay, go away! (gets him out of chair, tells a story) Ittai (has written stuff on the board in the meantime): So, are these lines parallel? Well, if - Teacher: I took you down once, now I have to do it again?!? If I do this time, you're not getting back up!
Roberts: Bang it out, Ittai! Bang it hard!
Teacher: So I'm having a little emergency, I'll be right back. *leaves room* //Students start laughing Ittai: Hey, I have a great idea! *pulls bag toward front of room* Okay, so I plug it in here...*pulls out a keyboard and amp* Oh, right, this outlet doesn't work, lemme fix that... //he finishes setting up and plays some notes Student: Keep playing, make it look like [Teacher]'s walking into a concert! Rafael: Sit in [teacher]'s chair! //music continues, teacher returns Teacher: Ah, music! *sits down* Ittai: Welcome back! *turns amp toward teacher, plays more music* Teacher: So do you know any Tchaikovsky? Any Beatles? *lists more composers, to which Ittai responds with whatever music* Well, what do you know? //people start to look in through window on the door Ittai (slow piano tune, speaking in a poetic voice with many breaks): So, [Teacher], here we are...We've known eachother for a long time...And we've had our moments...We've had our differences...I wrote this song, just for you...I hope you like it... //this goes on for a few minutes, and everyone applaudes (some standing ovation) when it ends Teacher: So now I have a poem and a song written for me! Ittai: Well, I um, know some more...*plays arbitrary music for the rest of the period*