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May 19, 2022, 12:06 p.m.

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Rose: I want someone to put a cookie in my hand within like a minute, what are the chances of this happening



April 21, 2022, 12:29 p.m.

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// Hammond walks into diffeq, sees the board Hammond: are those absolute values or matrices? Schwartz: matrices Hammond: thank goodness Hammond: this class has absolutely no value



May 29, 2019, 7:43 p.m.

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//PPX 2019 Rose: So I heard I was on one of the puzzles. Katheryn: Yeah you're on the crossword //Crossword clue reads: "Mr. Rose, allegedly" //Answer was adult Rose: I mean I'm pretty much an adult. I got married. I have a child. I turned 40. Reynald: Mr. Rose, the fact that you had to justify...



May 18, 2018, 8:14 a.m.

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//pd 2 stat Stein: The rogue puzzlelords are insisting that we release the teams early, but we don't negotiate with terrorists.



March 20, 2018, 7:12 p.m.

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// Hammond has just interrupted Complex by announcing that many students in the class still haven't signed up for Puzzlepalooza Schwartz: (to the class) I'd assign it to you as homework, but then it'd be less likely to get done.



May 24, 2016, 9:33 p.m.

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// Puzzlepalooza '16 Rachael: Do they really expect us to know modes? That's like advanced music theory. Raphael: I mean, we're magnets after all.



March 25, 2015, 7:16 p.m.

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//Excerpted and paraphrased due to memory lapses //Mr. Hammond walks into Quantum Schafer: I bet Mr. Hammond is coming in to force whomever hasn't signed up yet for PuzzlePalooza to sign up. Hammond: I am actually not going to do that. Schafer: Oh, well then, I'm sorry. Hammond: My feelings are hurt, Mr. Schafer. (continuing with class) Schafer: The atom is from the Greek "atomos"... Hammond: You got that from Donaldson. Schafer: No, I actually didn't. Hammond: Anything Greek is from Donaldson. Melinchok: I'm Greek! Hammond: Did you sign up for PuzzlePalooza yet? Melinchok: No, I didn't. I need to send the link to my friend. Hammond: You should just sign up without her. Melinchok: Ok, I'm signing up now. (fills in form on her phone) I'll put down my talents as "Greek" and (something else). Student: Isn't there a choice for "Other?" Hammond: There is. Mr. Schafer, did I tell you about the best Other I've seen so far? Schafer: No, what was it? Hammond: It was "the ability to lie and say that Justin Bieber is cool." (class laughs) Hammond: Hey, it isn't my fault that Mr. Ostrander has a man crush on Justin Bieber! ... Hammond: The first rule of Puzzle Lords is that there are no Puzzle Lords. Schafer: That is just wrong in so many ways. ... Hammond: (to Melinchok) do you follow the Puzzle Lords on Twitter? Melinchok: I unfollowed them because they kept on making annoying posts. Schafer: Did you just say you UNfollowed them? Is that even like a thing? That's like saying you unfriended someone, it just doesn't make sense. Hammond: And all of the annoying posts are by Mr. Stein! Melinchok: Oh, I unfollowed him too. (class laughs) Melinchok: Ok..I'll follow the Puzzle Lords, but... (brief pause) Schafer: You'd better be really careful with what you say next. Melinchok: But whenever I see an annoying post, I'll...scroll right past it and pretend that I never saw it! Hammond: ...Someone must be submitting this to Blairbash right now. ... Melinchok: What does it mean, the prizes are huge? Like are they literally huge, or what? Schafer: Well, there are many ways a prize could be huge. Like it could be really big, and you say, "Wow, that's huge." Or it could be about this big (holds his hands about 8 inches apart) but you look at it and you go, "Wow, that's a huge prize." Or its name could be huge, like Huge the Hamster. We haven't done that one yet though.



May 25, 2014, 12:29 p.m.

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//Every single class after Puzzlepalooza Robert: They call it Puzzlepalooza, but I call it PuzzleAWINNAH



May 6, 2014, 10:33 p.m.

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Hammond: Seriously, guys, you need to buy shirts. Less than half of the people who said they would buy shirts bought shirts Student: If you don't sell enough will the prizes be small? Hammond: No. They'll still be huge. We'll just buy huge stacks of newspapers.



May 21, 2013, 2:33 p.m.

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Michael: I'm sorry to break it to you, but Santa Claus isn't real. Alex B: Santa Claus isn't real, but Santa CLAW is.