#13252

66

April 3, 2024, 12:25 p.m.

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Andy: I had a terrible image pop in my head Andy: It's salt bae, but instead of salt it's fentanyl

#1699

-37

March 21, 2010, 6:59 p.m.

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//Condensed version of a very, very long story (half hour roughly) Sarah: Hey, Mr. Schafer, can you have ice cream that doesn't melt? Schafer: I'm not sure... Sarah: But does it exist? Vishnu: I got this Mr. Schafer, I got this! It can't exist, it melts at room temperature! Student 1: The winner should get ice cream! Schafer: Or cookies! Sarah: But I'd rather have Indian food! Vishnu: My mom makes that, there's always leftovers! Schafer: So if Sarah's right, you bring in leftovers, and if you're right, she brings in cookies. But how will we know who wins? Student: We should vote! Schafer: So, you guys give your evidence, and we'll be the jury. You guys total 30 votes, you two don't get to vote, and I count as 32 votes. Student: That's not fair! Schafer: Life's not fair. Student: This is the strangest bet ever. Schafer: BUSINESS PROPOSITION! //Later on... Bae: I looked this up on my iPhone, and I found this article about it. Schafer: Great, he looked it up, now he's got all the power! Bae: So apparently there's this pudding-ice cream-thing that melts into pudding and therefore isn't solid. There's a picture, too! (shows) Vishnu: But pudding isn't ice cream! Sarah: But it should still count, it starts as ice cream! Vishnu: But it still changes! I win this! Schafer: Yeah, he wins. You owe him cookies.

#1651

1717

March 13, 2010, 6:10 p.m.

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//Schafer is describing what he thinks the award ceremony for best teacher would be like Schafer: So it's like 3 hours or something. What are they gonna do with all that time? They could be like "Best securitry guard" or "Most hardworking building services worker" or something like that. And then imagine 3 hours of that junk! Student: Will you give an acceptance speech? Schafer: Yeah, and I'll just throw in some of your guys names. I might even make up some names. Gilad: Thank Dr. Quantum! Schafer: You know what, I'm gonna thank JK Rowling for inspiring a generation to read! Bae: And thank Stephenie Meyer for inspiring a generation NOT to read!