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#11380

1111

Jan. 4, 2023, 5:53 p.m.

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Schwartz: A week ago, it was eight degrees outside, and now it's too warm. Schwartz: You guys have to survive on this planet 20 years longer than me, and I'm already in trouble. Schwartz: Good luck!

Hahahaha, suckers! // mod note: schwartz literally embodies the "this is fine" meme because apparently, he's ok with 80 degree temperature in his house during the summer

future, climatechange, schwartz

#11373

77

Jan. 4, 2023, 9:05 a.m.

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Schwartz: cake can have flesh, why not

//mod note: he later also referred to the interior of cheese as flesh

schwartz

#11360

77

Dec. 31, 2022, 2:19 p.m.

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// Analysis 2 video, Dessa(Schwartz's cat) is meowing Schwartz: Cat, you're not dying, you're fine. Schwartz: You don't need food, you got food two and a half hours ago. Schwartz: You'll get it in another hour and a half, go away. *Dessa meows again* // Later Schwartz: Cat, you're fine. Stop trying to bite my ankle for food.

#11358

77

Dec. 22, 2022, 4:06 p.m.

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Schwartz: The fun thing about alumni returning is that they realise that the things the teachers were telling them are true. //later, multivariable calculus and ducks on the board Schwartz, erasing: Nooo! You shouldn't see that. The ducks can stay. The alumni came in and drew ducks. Schwartz, later: I am trying to draw around the ducks. We'll see how long I can keep this up. Schwartz, later: I'm gonna turn this into a thrice-iterated integral, killing some ducks in the process -- and decapitating another one in the process. //later, Schwartz justifying his forgetting the names of alumni Schwartz: I also have a family, and about five people I knew from college who I still hang out with. //students audibly amazed

#11357

66

Dec. 22, 2022, 4:03 p.m.

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Schwartz: A Linear Algebra exam is not the time to save the planet.

#11337

99

Dec. 20, 2022, 9:10 a.m.

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Schwartz: we're out of spatial dimensions! We can't perceive any more! Schwartz: or, I don't think anyone in this room can... If you can, tell me, because that sounds cool

#11305

88

Dec. 9, 2022, 3:58 p.m.

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Schwartz: Pick a number between 0 and 2. Student: 3!

#11284

99

Dec. 7, 2022, 1:49 p.m.

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//all-period half day during which students are to remotely view information about courses Schwartz: This is the Schwartz babysitting session. I have to make sure you don't die for 24 minutes, but I'm not allowed to teach you anything. //later, Caleb walks in late Schwartz: You're late! How dare you be late on this important day of class! I will mark you tardy! //later, Caleb talking to Stephen and writing equations on the board, whilst Schwartz left the classroom //Schwartz returns Schwartz: Maths? There's maths happening in my classroom? How could you?! Schwartz: You miscreants -- learning things today!

#11271

66

Dec. 5, 2022, 5:38 p.m.

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//after Ostrander walks in and doesn't get cake because he didn't prove the FTC Schwartz: If anyone says that you don't need to know calculus -- here's the reason: Schwartz: if you walk into a classroom and you can only have cake if you know the FTC, you can have cake.

#11231

44

Nov. 29, 2022, 5:44 p.m.

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Schwartz: Someone fall for my trap card!