On talk like a pirate day Schwartz: If Captain Hammond comes in, ye have me' permission to ball up paper and throw it at him! > Later, Dylan is about to throw a paper ball at Will Schwartz, in a normal voice: No, don't throw it at Will, you only have my permission to throw it at teachers. > Dylan turns to throw the paper ball at Schwartz
Hammond: what be a pirate’s favorite element? Alex Bidwell: Arrr-gon! Hammond: no! ‘tis an easy question! it be gold! Kirk (normal voice): idiot
Kirk: mr. Hammond, you haven’t drawn a pink elephant on the board in a while! Hammond (pirate voice): elephants do not be swimming in the briny deep! Hammond: they do be swimming though. Hammond: I have seen it on my travels!
Hammond: Senioritis? I've never heard of it.
//Hammond visited to tell us about Puzzlepalooza and its origin Hammond: You would show up to school on time, have nothing to do for two hours, and get hit by a car when you go to Starbucks. Hammond: Then we made Puzzlepalooza, and everyone loved it, and nobody died that year. Hammond, quietly: Nobody died in the previous years. That's a joke. I guess it's too early for jokes. //later Hammond, to Bosse: These are good questions they're asking. Is this your Ravenclaw class? //later, after Hammond left Bosse: No questions? You had so many questions for Mr ... what's-his-name. Sudhish: Why don't you know his name? Bosse: There's so many Peters running around here!
// printer in 215 turns on Schafer: the weird thing is, that’s probably Mr. Hammond sending me a message.
Schwartz: The first example is finding the volume of a sphere with triple integration. Schwartz: It's fine, that works. Let's do the harder example. //Hammond bursts in Hammond: Lies! All lies! //later Hammond, holding up a type of laptop: The problem with these is you can't trust students not to steal them. Hammond: You know I'm joking, right? Don't go home and say "the teacher said that we're not trustworthy!" Schwartz: Well, of course they're not trustworthy. They're teenagers. Hammond: Ageist! Schwartz: Developmentalist! Some people are 30 and they're still "teenagers". //later, Hammond examining the whiteboard's ρ^2 sin φ dρ dθ dφ Hammond: There's too much Greek here. //later, Schwartz drawing and explaining a 3D shape Schwartz: This is an ice-cream cone. Hammond: No, that's the Eye of Sauron! //later Schwartz: Let's not blindfold our ice-cream cone.
// Hammond walks into AP World Klees: I knew Hammond was gonna come. Klees: I knew he was gonna track me down.
Me: Mr. Ostrander, do you know where Mr. Hammond is? Ostrander: Hang on, I’m trying to connect my Peter-to-Peter radar right now. Ostrander: It appears that Mr. Hammond is offline.
Hammond: je n'attraperai pas de frisbees dans ma bouche. Hammond: It's in a french phrase book for cats. Hammond: It's in there with "I will come when called" and "I will not eat what I'm not supposed to."