Search Quotes
#13054
66
⚐ ReportGlenn: I have a friend who is short and beautiful but also terrifying Glenn: She's like 4'10" but I would never cross her
#13052
46
⚐ ReportGlenn: My daughter told me the other day "I asked Bernard to be my valentine." // Later Glenn: So last night Alice was calling her dad and said "I asked Bernard to be my valentine". Glenn: And her dad said "well I guess you could ask him for his parents' number and arrange a playdate". Glenn: Alice said "if Bernard comes over it will be a real date". // Later Glenn: I'll scope him out. Glenn: I'll tell him to sit down. Glenn: "What are your intentions with my daughter?"
#13051
66
⚐ ReportGrace: Mr. Rose, do I have permission to yell at people? Rose: Yell, probably no, but to encourage them to write more legibly, yes. Grace: darn it!
#13050
77
⚐ ReportAndy: I lost track of all the lunar new year animals, what animal is it this year again? Nikhil, Stephen: dragon Andy: Dragon deez nuts across your face
#13046
-3943
⚐ ReportEric Yang: You should BlairBash me saying "I love alcohol", because I just said that.
#13044
33
⚐ ReportRose: You have to do that to get to the juicy fruit on the inside Rose: yeah you heard me
#13043
33
⚐ ReportGlenn: One time when we were visiting my sister, my daughter said "The floor snack tastes bad", which was my sister's dog food. Glenn: She is severely allergic to peanuts and dog food often have peanuts or peanut butter as a source of protein. Glenn: However, her complaint was that it was bland. Glenn: Hey, don't judge. I've tried dog treats too.
#13042
35
⚐ ReportMrs. Stelzner: Senate advise and? Oliver: DESTROY? Stelzner: CONSENT! Senate advise and destroy? What?