Shwetha: Priya, look at Palosky's legs! Palosky: It's beautiful
Jacob Stavrianos: I was pretty darn high in fifth grade.
// At MAN 2017 Stav: THEY'RE TRYING TO BREED US!
// People are sarcastically making broad existential statements before class Ryan: What is the meaning of life? Stav: TO KICK ASS!!! Ryan: Exactly! Finally, there's someone else who shares my positive outlook on life! Stav: You know, I was quoting you there. Ryan: Oohh. Stav: From like, this morning. Ryan: Sounded familiar.
//Walking into Thermo Kirkendall: *sigh* this just isn't my week. Michelle: Jacob, it's Monday. Kirkendall: ...yeah, I know...
Joel: Weast should be shot. Jacob: No, he should be promoted to Secretary of Education. And then shot.
Allen: Wait, Jacob, you went to SSI? Jacob: Yeah. Allen: Did you get mugged?
//Early in the morning, outside of POE Kirkendall: So, you know how annoying the horny couples who make out in the hallways are? Well, this morning, I discovered something even more annoying: husky horny couples who make out in the hall! It's just as obnoxious, but with twice the surface area for blocking the hall! Evan: That's actually hilarious. Kirkendall: No, it's awful.
//In POE just after class started Raanan: Jacob, did you get a haircut? Jacob: NO. I dyed part of my hair invisible.
//Patrick Shan jokes are the new Chuck Norris jokes, Jacob Kirkendall jokes are just true... Patrick: Patrick Shan has never seduced a woman. The word seduction implies that he had to try. Jacob: Jacob Kirkendall has never seduced a woman. EVER.