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March 25, 2015, 9:23 a.m.

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Matthew: Sachin, are you in ModSim? Sachin: Yeah. Schwartz: By the way, Sachin, we should try to talk sometime, because we haven't had any meetings yet. Sachin: Oh...I can do that during ModSim. //Class laughs; Dennis flies out of his chair in laughter.



Jan. 8, 2015, 8:23 p.m.

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Dennis: Pot is the natural form of happiness.



Dec. 15, 2014, 4:47 p.m.

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//Unnamed student (henceforth "Student") is giving a practice SRP presentation on people’s ability to distinguish between speaking and singing. //Student finishes presenting; more than half of the class raises their hand. Mike, to Matthew: Sorry, what’s everybody’s question? Matthew: Like, "what exactly did you do, again?" //Questions went on for half an hour. Below are some highlights. -- Harrison: So basically your project is about differentiating between speaking and singing. Do you have an objective definition of singing? Student: Singing is pleasing to the ears. Harrison: But do you have an objective definition? Student: No. Music is subjective. Harrison: Okay, so basically your project is meaningless. //Student calls on someone else. -- Arjuna: Doesn’t perception change with age? Student: Yeah, but age doesn’t really matter. Arjuna: So are you blocking by age? Student: Um... uh... yeah, sure. -- Eric: How many age blocks do you have? Student: Age doesn’t really matter. Eric: But are you blocking by age? Student: Uh, sure. Eric: So you have a sample size of 24, you have two gender blocks, and you have several age blocks. How will you be able to get statistically significant results? //Class laughs. Student: Well, after we have the data, we’ll figure out whether it’s statistically significant. Matthew: But Eric just figured out that it’s not statistically significant. Mike, to Matthew and Eric: Okay, we’ve determined that the whole project is BS. Let’s move on. //Student calls on the next person with a question. -- Sachin: Can you go back to the first slide? //Student goes back to the title slide. //5-second silence Student: So what’s your question? Sachin: Oh, I don’t have one. I just wanted you to go back to that slide. //Later Eric: Wait, why did you ask to go back to the first slide? Sachin: I just wanted to stall. Eric: So there wouldn’t be any more presentations? Sachin: Yeah, and to troll. -- Eric, to Mike: I think his project is not topologically equivalent to Salamano. //Note: Salamano, a character in _The Stranger_, is Eric’s go-to example of something that doesn’t have holes in it. Mike, to Eric: I think his project is topologically equivalent to a sponge. //After 5 seconds. Mike, to Eric: Actually, it’s topologically equivalent to a Sierpinski sponge, because it has no volume. Dennis, to Mike and Eric: If he did a math presentation, he would understand numbers better than anyone since Morris Kline. //Note: making fun of this ridiculous quote at the bottom of the front cover of this book: -- Ms. Bosse: Did anybody not ask a question yet? -- //This one might not be very accurate. //Kevin frantically waves his hand. Student calls on him. Kevin: You said during your presentation that audio evidence cannot be used in court, but I think that you can in fact use audio recordings in court. Student: Oh, by audio evidence I mean what people say they heard, not actual recordings. Kevin: But what if there’s hearsay? Student: What’s hearsay? //Kevin explains what hearsay is. Student: Oh, but I’m talking about actual recordings.



Feb. 6, 2013, 4:40 p.m.

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//One group is explaining why a character should not get his bride price back after he beat his wife (in Things Fall Apart); they are using an example about returning stuff to a store Student: Just return one that you had before, not the broken one! Dennis: So he has a spare wife to return?



May 25, 2012, 7:18 p.m.

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//Eric is talking about Chinese food at ACSL Eric: Isn't American Chinese food just Chinese food with LSD? Dennis and Rahul: NOOOOOOO! It's MSG!!! Eric: I always get them confused....



Nov. 11, 2011, 5:23 p.m.

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//Dennis Z is rubbing tape bits off his arm during R&E Cathy: What are you doing? Dennis: I got my blood drawn yesterday, so they put huge piece of tape on my arm. Now, the sticky stuff won't come off. Rishabh: Who did it?