Search Quotes 



Jan. 7, 2019, 3:44 p.m.

⚐ Report
//Kaluta 9th //Exploravision papers are returned, group received a bad grade on it largely in part due to Justin Z turning it in with many of the pages backwards and out of order Ryan S: I'm going to punch your face until you don't have a chin Matthew C: Well then you will have to donate him one of yours



Jan. 5, 2017, 5:35 p.m.

⚐ Report
//Block D FCS, calculating distance with absolute values Matthew: Absolute value corrupts absolutely.



May 13, 2015, 6:54 a.m.

⚐ Report
Matthew: The promposal I made works in every browser besides IE. I think of that as a feature, not a bug, since it means the administrative staff will never notice it. Plus, if Leslie uses IE, I'm not sure that I can take her to prom.

The promposal involved as secret webpage and a floating marquee tag on

leslie, prom, matthew



April 21, 2015, 7:53 p.m.

⚐ Report
Mr. Pham: Hey, anybody know what date it is? Matthew: Four-twenty? Mr. Pham: You know what that mean? Matthew: Uhh..... Mr. Pham: Senior grade due in five days! Matthew: That's exactly what I was thinking.

In some places, four-twenty means something else.

pham, matthew



March 25, 2015, 9:23 a.m.

⚐ Report
Matthew: Sachin, are you in ModSim? Sachin: Yeah. Schwartz: By the way, Sachin, we should try to talk sometime, because we haven't had any meetings yet. Sachin: Oh...I can do that during ModSim. //Class laughs; Dennis flies out of his chair in laughter.



Dec. 15, 2014, 4:47 p.m.

⚐ Report
//Unnamed student (henceforth "Student") is giving a practice SRP presentation on people’s ability to distinguish between speaking and singing. //Student finishes presenting; more than half of the class raises their hand. Mike, to Matthew: Sorry, what’s everybody’s question? Matthew: Like, "what exactly did you do, again?" //Questions went on for half an hour. Below are some highlights. -- Harrison: So basically your project is about differentiating between speaking and singing. Do you have an objective definition of singing? Student: Singing is pleasing to the ears. Harrison: But do you have an objective definition? Student: No. Music is subjective. Harrison: Okay, so basically your project is meaningless. //Student calls on someone else. -- Arjuna: Doesn’t perception change with age? Student: Yeah, but age doesn’t really matter. Arjuna: So are you blocking by age? Student: Um... uh... yeah, sure. -- Eric: How many age blocks do you have? Student: Age doesn’t really matter. Eric: But are you blocking by age? Student: Uh, sure. Eric: So you have a sample size of 24, you have two gender blocks, and you have several age blocks. How will you be able to get statistically significant results? //Class laughs. Student: Well, after we have the data, we’ll figure out whether it’s statistically significant. Matthew: But Eric just figured out that it’s not statistically significant. Mike, to Matthew and Eric: Okay, we’ve determined that the whole project is BS. Let’s move on. //Student calls on the next person with a question. -- Sachin: Can you go back to the first slide? //Student goes back to the title slide. //5-second silence Student: So what’s your question? Sachin: Oh, I don’t have one. I just wanted you to go back to that slide. //Later Eric: Wait, why did you ask to go back to the first slide? Sachin: I just wanted to stall. Eric: So there wouldn’t be any more presentations? Sachin: Yeah, and to troll. -- Eric, to Mike: I think his project is not topologically equivalent to Salamano. //Note: Salamano, a character in _The Stranger_, is Eric’s go-to example of something that doesn’t have holes in it. Mike, to Eric: I think his project is topologically equivalent to a sponge. //After 5 seconds. Mike, to Eric: Actually, it’s topologically equivalent to a Sierpinski sponge, because it has no volume. Dennis, to Mike and Eric: If he did a math presentation, he would understand numbers better than anyone since Morris Kline. //Note: making fun of this ridiculous quote at the bottom of the front cover of this book: -- Ms. Bosse: Did anybody not ask a question yet? -- //This one might not be very accurate. //Kevin frantically waves his hand. Student calls on him. Kevin: You said during your presentation that audio evidence cannot be used in court, but I think that you can in fact use audio recordings in court. Student: Oh, by audio evidence I mean what people say they heard, not actual recordings. Kevin: But what if there’s hearsay? Student: What’s hearsay? //Kevin explains what hearsay is. Student: Oh, but I’m talking about actual recordings.



Sept. 30, 2013, 6:03 p.m.

⚐ Report
//During AP World, Talking about Greeks being great artists Whitacre: Who was a famous artist in Ancient Greece? Agam: Michaelangelo? Matthew: Isn't that a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

Not to mention that Michaelangelo was much later than the Ancient Greeks, but Matthew isn't wrong...

whitacre, agam, matthew



Jan. 7, 2013, 6:14 p.m.

⚐ Report
//In Analysis 1A, Cathy is trying to get Matthew's attention from across the room Cathy: Hey Matthew, I need your help. Matthew! Turn around! MATTHEW! What does it take to get someone to turn around? BOZO! Matthew: *finally turns around* Huh?



Feb. 28, 2012, 8:49 p.m.

⚐ Report
//Block B freshman chem, discussing compound formulas Matthew: phosphorous wants three electrons, and then you do swappy-swappy-- Pham: No! Not swappy-swappy! Matthew: Cross-multiplying, swappy-swappy, you know... //Pham closes his eyes, as if in physical pain Pham (bellowing): ...NO! SWAPPY!



Sept. 12, 2011, 10:31 p.m.

⚐ Report
//Walking in the hallway Prashan: WHOA THAT KID LOOKS JUST LIKE SHIRLEY! Myles: Yeah...that's his little brother...