Eric Neyman: "Are you doing any work in ModSim" has about the same truth value as "Is Sachin here."
//Unnamed student (henceforth "Student") is giving a practice SRP presentation on people’s ability to distinguish between speaking and singing. //Student finishes presenting; more than half of the class raises their hand. Mike, to Matthew: Sorry, what’s everybody’s question? Matthew: Like, "what exactly did you do, again?" //Questions went on for half an hour. Below are some highlights. -- Harrison: So basically your project is about differentiating between speaking and singing. Do you have an objective definition of singing? Student: Singing is pleasing to the ears. Harrison: But do you have an objective definition? Student: No. Music is subjective. Harrison: Okay, so basically your project is meaningless. //Student calls on someone else. -- Arjuna: Doesn’t perception change with age? Student: Yeah, but age doesn’t really matter. Arjuna: So are you blocking by age? Student: Um... uh... yeah, sure. -- Eric: How many age blocks do you have? Student: Age doesn’t really matter. Eric: But are you blocking by age? Student: Uh, sure. Eric: So you have a sample size of 24, you have two gender blocks, and you have several age blocks. How will you be able to get statistically significant results? //Class laughs. Student: Well, after we have the data, we’ll figure out whether it’s statistically significant. Matthew: But Eric just figured out that it’s not statistically significant. Mike, to Matthew and Eric: Okay, we’ve determined that the whole project is BS. Let’s move on. //Student calls on the next person with a question. -- Sachin: Can you go back to the first slide? //Student goes back to the title slide. //5-second silence Student: So what’s your question? Sachin: Oh, I don’t have one. I just wanted you to go back to that slide. //Later Eric: Wait, why did you ask to go back to the first slide? Sachin: I just wanted to stall. Eric: So there wouldn’t be any more presentations? Sachin: Yeah, and to troll. -- Eric, to Mike: I think his project is not topologically equivalent to Salamano. //Note: Salamano, a character in _The Stranger_, is Eric’s go-to example of something that doesn’t have holes in it. Mike, to Eric: I think his project is topologically equivalent to a sponge. //After 5 seconds. Mike, to Eric: Actually, it’s topologically equivalent to a Sierpinski sponge, because it has no volume. Dennis, to Mike and Eric: If he did a math presentation, he would understand numbers better than anyone since Morris Kline. //Note: making fun of this ridiculous quote at the bottom of the front cover of this book: http://www.amazon.com/Mathematics-Loss-Certainty-Oxford-Paperbacks/dp/0195030850/ref=cm_rdp_product_img -- Ms. Bosse: Did anybody not ask a question yet? -- //This one might not be very accurate. //Kevin frantically waves his hand. Student calls on him. Kevin: You said during your presentation that audio evidence cannot be used in court, but I think that you can in fact use audio recordings in court. Student: Oh, by audio evidence I mean what people say they heard, not actual recordings. Kevin: But what if there’s hearsay? Student: What’s hearsay? //Kevin explains what hearsay is. Student: Oh, but I’m talking about actual recordings.
Eric Neyman: What's the difference between a paradox and an oxymoron? Klein: An oxymoron is a distilled paradox. Like jumbo shrimp... Or military intelligence.
//Eric Neyman is running around R&E with a box that was dripping water all over the place Mr. Street: Eric! Stop peeing on the floor! At least you could pee in the sink!
//During Clay's English class Clay: I hate to use a cliche, but its like, "If you play with fire, you get burned." Eric Neyman: If Mr. Pham plays with fire, everyone besides him get burned.
//Freshmen chem are discussing races in the Magnet. Pham: Asians, raise your hands. //All Asians and a few non-Asians raise their hands. Pham: No, seriously. Eric Neyman: I am serious; I am from Israel. Mike Winston: No, you're not! Eric: Fine, my ancestors were from Israel. Mike: Your ancestors were from Africa! Eric: Okay, fine. I'm black.
//Talking about how religion starts wars in US History Thornton: You see, you can't argue about somebody's religion, it's like their belief. You can't prove or disprove their beliefs. It's not like science. Student: Can you give us an example? Like miracles or something? Thornton: You mean like a mother lifting a car to get her child. She's able to do that because she believes God gave her the will and strength to lift the car. Eric Neyman: What type of religion has cars in it?
[Eric N is shadowing; freshman chem is balancing equations] Freshman: You can grab as much oxygen as you like from the air. Eric: Ooh! Can you grab negative oxygen?