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March 18, 2015, 9:22 p.m.

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Eric Neyman: "Are you doing any work in ModSim" has about the same truth value as "Is Sachin here."

Sachin is notorious for being difficult to find, as he is often not where he's supposed to be (think electrons). ModSim is a Pham class.

neyman, eric, modsim, sachin



Dec. 15, 2014, 4:47 p.m.

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//Unnamed student (henceforth "Student") is giving a practice SRP presentation on people’s ability to distinguish between speaking and singing. //Student finishes presenting; more than half of the class raises their hand. Mike, to Matthew: Sorry, what’s everybody’s question? Matthew: Like, "what exactly did you do, again?" //Questions went on for half an hour. Below are some highlights. -- Harrison: So basically your project is about differentiating between speaking and singing. Do you have an objective definition of singing? Student: Singing is pleasing to the ears. Harrison: But do you have an objective definition? Student: No. Music is subjective. Harrison: Okay, so basically your project is meaningless. //Student calls on someone else. -- Arjuna: Doesn’t perception change with age? Student: Yeah, but age doesn’t really matter. Arjuna: So are you blocking by age? Student: Um... uh... yeah, sure. -- Eric: How many age blocks do you have? Student: Age doesn’t really matter. Eric: But are you blocking by age? Student: Uh, sure. Eric: So you have a sample size of 24, you have two gender blocks, and you have several age blocks. How will you be able to get statistically significant results? //Class laughs. Student: Well, after we have the data, we’ll figure out whether it’s statistically significant. Matthew: But Eric just figured out that it’s not statistically significant. Mike, to Matthew and Eric: Okay, we’ve determined that the whole project is BS. Let’s move on. //Student calls on the next person with a question. -- Sachin: Can you go back to the first slide? //Student goes back to the title slide. //5-second silence Student: So what’s your question? Sachin: Oh, I don’t have one. I just wanted you to go back to that slide. //Later Eric: Wait, why did you ask to go back to the first slide? Sachin: I just wanted to stall. Eric: So there wouldn’t be any more presentations? Sachin: Yeah, and to troll. -- Eric, to Mike: I think his project is not topologically equivalent to Salamano. //Note: Salamano, a character in _The Stranger_, is Eric’s go-to example of something that doesn’t have holes in it. Mike, to Eric: I think his project is topologically equivalent to a sponge. //After 5 seconds. Mike, to Eric: Actually, it’s topologically equivalent to a Sierpinski sponge, because it has no volume. Dennis, to Mike and Eric: If he did a math presentation, he would understand numbers better than anyone since Morris Kline. //Note: making fun of this ridiculous quote at the bottom of the front cover of this book: -- Ms. Bosse: Did anybody not ask a question yet? -- //This one might not be very accurate. //Kevin frantically waves his hand. Student calls on him. Kevin: You said during your presentation that audio evidence cannot be used in court, but I think that you can in fact use audio recordings in court. Student: Oh, by audio evidence I mean what people say they heard, not actual recordings. Kevin: But what if there’s hearsay? Student: What’s hearsay? //Kevin explains what hearsay is. Student: Oh, but I’m talking about actual recordings.



Feb. 11, 2013, 5:28 p.m.

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Eric Neyman: What's the difference between a paradox and an oxymoron? Klein: An oxymoron is a distilled paradox. Like jumbo shrimp... Or military intelligence.



April 27, 2012, 6:36 p.m.

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//Eric Neyman is running around R&E with a box that was dripping water all over the place Mr. Street: Eric! Stop peeing on the floor! At least you could pee in the sink!

Doing Chem R&E. The box was apparently supposed to be a calorimeter

street, neyman, eric



March 21, 2012, 8:51 p.m.

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//During Clay's English class Clay: I hate to use a cliche, but its like, "If you play with fire, you get burned." Eric Neyman: If Mr. Pham plays with fire, everyone besides him get burned.



Feb. 28, 2012, 6:23 p.m.

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//Freshmen chem are discussing races in the Magnet. Pham: Asians, raise your hands. //All Asians and a few non-Asians raise their hands. Pham: No, seriously. Eric Neyman: I am serious; I am from Israel. Mike Winston: No, you're not! Eric: Fine, my ancestors were from Israel. Mike: Your ancestors were from Africa! Eric: Okay, fine. I'm black.



Feb. 9, 2012, 7:19 p.m.

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//Talking about how religion starts wars in US History Thornton: You see, you can't argue about somebody's religion, it's like their belief. You can't prove or disprove their beliefs. It's not like science. Student: Can you give us an example? Like miracles or something? Thornton: You mean like a mother lifting a car to get her child. She's able to do that because she believes God gave her the will and strength to lift the car. Eric Neyman: What type of religion has cars in it?



Feb. 17, 2011, 10:32 a.m.

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[Eric N is shadowing; freshman chem is balancing equations] Freshman: You can grab as much oxygen as you like from the air. Eric: Ooh! Can you grab negative oxygen?