#13129

66

Feb. 27, 2024, 2:54 p.m.

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Glenn: My mom told me "when I had you I drank a can of beer every night, but when I had your sister I smoked and drank beer". Glenn: Uhhh thanks mom? Isak: Are you going to use that as leverage over your sister when you get into an argument with her? Glenn: Oh no, I have much better leverage against her.

#13128

33

Feb. 27, 2024, 2:45 p.m.

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// Talking about a text conversation with his son Glenn: Ah yes, the famous Irish rapper from Detroit Eminem. Glenn: Then I started sending him rap lyrics from Eminem. Glenn: My son is about to become a teenager, which is the age I'm supposed to annoy him the most. Glenn: He's turning 13 next month, so I gotta step up my game!

#13099

26

Feb. 20, 2024, 11 a.m.

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Glenn: You've seen the blood splatter in this room, so don't make [Ms. Hart] mad.

#13092

33

Feb. 16, 2024, 3:15 p.m.

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Glenn: If you've watched a lot of late-night commercials you would know what ED is. Glenn: What's ED? Klees: When you're an old and a man...

#13071

35

Feb. 15, 2024, 10:22 a.m.

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Glenn: I can still tell embarrassing Alice stories Glenn: So she went home and told me that she asked Bernard to be her valentine Glenn: I've never heard of this Bernard character. Glenn: So later she told her dad that. Glenn: And her dad was like, maybe we can talk to Bernard's parents and have a playdate Glenn: because she's nine, and playdates are still a thing Glenn: Then she said, it wouldn't be a play date, it'd be a real date. Glenn: she's a hoo

#13065

88

Feb. 14, 2024, 2:56 p.m.

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Glenn: To get me to stop using my pacifier, my mom just threw them away and said that Oscar the Grouch ate them. Glenn: And I had a hatred, a hatred for Sesame Street. Glenn: Anyways, robots.

#13064

2121

Feb. 14, 2024, 2:39 p.m.

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Klees: How is Wallops planning going? Glenn: It's...happening. Glenn: Schwartz had to come into the building today for the meeting. Glenn: Good thing he came or else he wouldn't have seen Sahu get rickrolled.

#13055

66

Feb. 13, 2024, 3:05 p.m.

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Glenn: You can't say that these aren't beautiful. Stephen: I disagree! Glenn: Wrong! You're wrong! Glenn: I don't even know who I'm arguing with but you're wrong!

#13054

66

Feb. 13, 2024, 3:02 p.m.

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Glenn: I have a friend who is short and beautiful but also terrifying Glenn: She's like 4'10" but I would never cross her

#13052

46

Feb. 13, 2024, 2:55 p.m.

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Glenn: My daughter told me the other day "I asked Bernard to be my valentine." // Later Glenn: So last night Alice was calling her dad and said "I asked Bernard to be my valentine". Glenn: And her dad said "well I guess you could ask him for his parents' number and arrange a playdate". Glenn: Alice said "if Bernard comes over it will be a real date". // Later Glenn: I'll scope him out. Glenn: I'll tell him to sit down. Glenn: "What are your intentions with my daughter?"