Search Quotes
#13128
33
⚐ Report// Talking about a text conversation with his son Glenn: Ah yes, the famous Irish rapper from Detroit Eminem. Glenn: Then I started sending him rap lyrics from Eminem. Glenn: My son is about to become a teenager, which is the age I'm supposed to annoy him the most. Glenn: He's turning 13 next month, so I gotta step up my game!
#13099
26
⚐ ReportGlenn: You've seen the blood splatter in this room, so don't make [Ms. Hart] mad.
#13092
33
⚐ ReportGlenn: If you've watched a lot of late-night commercials you would know what ED is. Glenn: What's ED? Klees: When you're an old and a man...
#13071
35
⚐ ReportGlenn: I can still tell embarrassing Alice stories Glenn: So she went home and told me that she asked Bernard to be her valentine Glenn: I've never heard of this Bernard character. Glenn: So later she told her dad that. Glenn: And her dad was like, maybe we can talk to Bernard's parents and have a playdate Glenn: because she's nine, and playdates are still a thing Glenn: Then she said, it wouldn't be a play date, it'd be a real date. Glenn: she's a hoo
#13065
88
⚐ ReportGlenn: To get me to stop using my pacifier, my mom just threw them away and said that Oscar the Grouch ate them. Glenn: And I had a hatred, a hatred for Sesame Street. Glenn: Anyways, robots.
#13064
1515
⚐ ReportKlees: How is Wallops planning going? Glenn: It's...happening. Glenn: Schwartz had to come into the building today for the meeting. Glenn: Good thing he came or else he wouldn't have seen Sahu get rickrolled.
#13055
66
⚐ ReportGlenn: You can't say that these aren't beautiful. Stephen: I disagree! Glenn: Wrong! You're wrong! Glenn: I don't even know who I'm arguing with but you're wrong!
#13054
66
⚐ ReportGlenn: I have a friend who is short and beautiful but also terrifying Glenn: She's like 4'10" but I would never cross her
#13052
46
⚐ ReportGlenn: My daughter told me the other day "I asked Bernard to be my valentine." // Later Glenn: So last night Alice was calling her dad and said "I asked Bernard to be my valentine". Glenn: And her dad said "well I guess you could ask him for his parents' number and arrange a playdate". Glenn: Alice said "if Bernard comes over it will be a real date". // Later Glenn: I'll scope him out. Glenn: I'll tell him to sit down. Glenn: "What are your intentions with my daughter?"
#13043
33
⚐ ReportGlenn: One time when we were visiting my sister, my daughter said "The floor snack tastes bad", which was my sister's dog food. Glenn: She is severely allergic to peanuts and dog food often have peanuts or peanut butter as a source of protein. Glenn: However, her complaint was that it was bland. Glenn: Hey, don't judge. I've tried dog treats too.