Search Quotes
#4175
1111
⚐ Report//Talking about the closed campus lunch policy Schafer: If you were actually paying attention to the video yesterday, there are only 5 valid reasons you can use to sign out of school. ...although, that doesn't mean you should use that to go see the doctor whose office is in Chipotle.
#4066
1519
⚐ ReportSchafer: You walk into your house when you have a dog and that dog is happy to see you. You walk into your house when you have a cat and that cat is asleep on your bed.
#4045
79
⚐ ReportSchafer: So I came home yesterday all ready to watch Community...then my wife made me look over a poster she had to present today, and I was just like "Aww" Kathryn Waychoff: That's what my brother asked me yesterday, and I said no. Schafer: But who did you say no to? Waychoff: My brother. Schafer: Who would I have said no to? Waychoff: Your wife. Schafer: See that's the difference. Waychoff: Come on Mr. Schafer, stand up for yourself! Wear the pants in the relationship!
#4044
33
⚐ ReportSchafer: I was thinking about these brownies, but I don't think I should. Devin: YOU SHOULD! THEY'RE GREAT! Schafer: Now I want them even less.
#4010
66
⚐ ReportSchafer: It's liquid methane. I made it myself. //later Maggie: When he said "I made it myself." I was like, heheheheheh.
#4008
2020
⚐ Report// During Mathphys, Schafer is telling them a puzzle involving Freddy and two other people getting buried in sand by a midget. Schafer: So Freddy, pick your two closest friends. Freddy: I don't have any friends. Schafer: Yea, I say that all the time too, but just pick two people. Someone: Just pick two people that you want to die. Schafer: No, no, you actually want the two that you want to live. Now I know that's a small list. Freddy: Umm, how about two cats?
#3951
-426
⚐ ReportRichard: You Indian cannot write down on paper. Ashu: Yeah, but we have the stone tab-leat! Yeah, but we are able to write on stone tablet! We so stroung! Richard: You Indians cannot write in stone tablet. Ashu: Bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah bah baout...! No, way make a zero fust, and then the Arabs come from it. No, we have the i-de-ah! No, we decide to share with them because we think they the too dumb. Ashu: So-wah, we also have the greatest diamond in the wold, the Hope Diamond, we found that in the India. And that's what it's culled. Does the China have damond? John: Ashu, the biggest diamond in the world, cost eleven million dollar, is fifty-five thousand karats, is literally thees beeg. Yah thees beeg. Richard: How much money it cost? John: About eleven million. Richard: Doesn't it cost more? John: Noh...nahh, it not the highest quality diamond, like the Hohp Diamond, which the British were even able to steal from India because India don't have Great Wall of India! Ashu: Baauhtt, they do that because they have the guns, and we don't have the guns. And they say, China, we are taken over by the Indians. Richard: Oh oh oh, China never taken over by the Indians. John: China only give away Hong Kong. India give away entire sub-continent because they love the British! //Some time later Brian: 35-down is 'Eurasian'. Richard: No, he not Asian, we're Asian! Ashu: No, we not Asian! What the hell you talk? John: India so weak that they couldn't do anything. Gandhi couldn't even use guns to fight back! Schafer: Stop talking! Ashu: I no talking anymoh because Mr. Schiafer say no talkang. And China and India is a equwol. No, ah always say they da equwol. John: I use my bamboo guns. Ashu: We not talking about the puz-hol. And Mr. Schafer want us to talk about the puz-hol. And Ms. Dvorsky only want us to talk about the computer science o-kawy.
#3943
192200
⚐ ReportSchafer: We used to take our teacher's floppies and wave magnets over them. Then he'd be like "I'm sorry but I lost all your grades." And we'd be like "Damn shame."
#3936
1822
⚐ ReportKev Li: Mr. Schafer, do you have any amp meters? Schafer: Who wants them? Kev Li: Me. Schafer: You're lying. Who really wants them? Kev Li: Pham. //some time later Schafer: ...this conversation isn't going anywhere. Hammond: No, Mr. Schafer, this conversation is going on Blair Bash.
#3917
44
⚐ Report//Stein and Schafer are arguing about foot-pounds again. Stein: We teach math in this vacuum in which we don't give a sh*t one way or another.