Schafer: My kids are very, very good at bringing germs home from daycare. And they're even better at sharing them.
Schafer: So there are 2 things about my kids that I'm really proud of. So the first thing is that they both could ride a bike, no training wheels, by the time they were 4. //class murmurs, impressed Schafer: The second thing is that, when they were first learning how to speak, whenever they saw a small dog they'd both say "kitty cat!"
//talking about stealing his kid's toys Schafer: So once I stole their toys without telling them in the morning. Then I get this phone call at noon, and my kid's like "DAD. DID YOU TAKE THOMAS?" And I go, "Yeah." And he goes, "WHAT ABOUT TRACK?" And I go, "Yeah, I took him too." And he goes, "WELL BRING THEM BACK TONIGHT." And then I whimper, "Yes sir... "
Schafer: When you have kids, just think of ways you can mess up their lives.
Ms. Hanak: I have kids; when you try and put something in my hand, I do not hold it.
Hinkle: He got arrested? That's not Gucci.
Whitacre: So if anyone wants to be immortal, once again, don't break open those thermometers and start drinking. Ten years ago, or something like that, kids were breaking the thermometers in the science labs and they closed the school down because they had to have the HazMat come to school and clean it up. It's not a good thing. But then I remember when I was in grade school, somebody brought mercury in as a science project and put it on a piece of board and rolled it around and it's like, "Let's get closer to smell the fumes, it's nice stuff!" See, and yet nobody cared about this; it's like "kids are our future" and all that kind of crap. Remember those [catchphrases]? When I was a little kid it's like "Drive cautiously, don't strike our kids, they're matchless". You know, and it's like the kids are the future, and it's like, did you ever wonder about when that is over, when you're no longer the future, like what age that is? When you become just another piece of baggage on the planet that we need to figure out what to do with? It's like "oh, you have so much potential" and then you're like "Who are you, why are you here?" I'm still trying to figure out what that age is. I think you're all past it, by the way, you knew you'd have it or "uh oh". Join the ever lengthening line of "I could've been great."
Mr. Whitacre: My grandpa always said "recreate, don't procreate." Don't have kids.
Hinkle: I don't do little kids. Nuh-uh. Not ninth graders, either. They need to all be given shots and put in their own self-contained areas.