#10432

1010

April 8, 2022, 1:11 p.m.

⚐ Report

// Jeremy and Alex J. walk into Duval's class Duval: Is everyone done with their quiz? *Class nods in affirmation* Dvual: Alright class, interrogate him.

#10154

1313

March 4, 2022, 1:53 p.m.

⚐ Report

Duval: We're going to be karyotyping. Alex: That's racist. Duval: How is that racist? Alex: Oh, karyotyping not stereotyping, it's less racist. Duval: So it's less racist but still a little racist. How?

#9927

77

Feb. 7, 2022, 4:18 p.m.

⚐ Report

Alex: Imagine having as big a brain as Michael. Michael: Alex, are you okay? Is there anything in your personal life we need to talk about? Alex: No, I'm good. I'm just fantasising about having a brain as big as yours. //Michael puts up hood nervously Michael: I feel oddly uncomfortable.

#9871

1010

Jan. 31, 2022, 1:19 p.m.

⚐ Report

Alex: What if I put my phone in? Will it turn blue? Andy: Volunteer your phone to science! Duval: Of course, you can't donate someone else's phone to science. Duval: Unless it's to stop them from playing a game. *everyone turns to look at Michael*

#7265

44

Feb. 24, 2018, 10:10 p.m.

⚐ Report

Mrs. Duval: Hey Alex, when you broke that last board, it looked like a piece of it hit Michael. Alex: No, no it didn't. Mrs. Duval: But it looked like it did. I was sitting right in front. I got a side view. Alex: Eh. He walked off. He's fine.

#5850

66

March 12, 2016, 6:39 p.m.

⚐ Report

//Alex Ma is presenting about a study that made stem cells fix human hearts Sloe: Alex, you don't sound very excited about this. You should sound way more excited. Alex: Well, this was in 2013, so I was excited back then. //laughter Sloe: Oh, that was such a good response! Touche, Alex Ma!

#5811

66

Feb. 12, 2016, 12:32 p.m.

⚐ Report

//Brassel walks into math phys Brassel: Is Mr. Schafer here? Schafer: (dumbfounded) Well, yes? Brassel: I need to talk to Mr. Schafer about something. Schafer: Speaking. Brassel: ...Oh, I mean Mr. Schwartz. //Brassel sits //A few minutes later, Schwartz enters the room Schafer: Brassel was looking for you Schwartz: (nudging Brassel) hey! Schafer: He also thought we were the same person Schwartz: That isn't completely unexpected, we have the same initials, we're both wearing red...I'm not sure if that's more of an insult to you than to me though.

#5731

04

Jan. 7, 2016, 1:09 p.m.

⚐ Report

Stein: Who else's partner is absent Alex Brassel: Mine. Vishnu. Stein: We call him Vishy-D

#5487

1616

May 13, 2015, 8:55 p.m.

⚐ Report

//Block A freshman chem, launching hot air balloons after school. Alex Wang, launching his balloon: there are a lot of holes in this. Pham: Hole don't matter. Alex Wang: But there are holes at the top. I call sabotage! Pham: Who?

#5432

1315

March 25, 2015, 7:16 p.m.

⚐ Report

//Excerpted and paraphrased due to memory lapses //Mr. Hammond walks into Quantum Schafer: I bet Mr. Hammond is coming in to force whomever hasn't signed up yet for PuzzlePalooza to sign up. Hammond: I am actually not going to do that. Schafer: Oh, well then, I'm sorry. Hammond: My feelings are hurt, Mr. Schafer. (continuing with class) Schafer: The atom is from the Greek "atomos"... Hammond: You got that from Donaldson. Schafer: No, I actually didn't. Hammond: Anything Greek is from Donaldson. Melinchok: I'm Greek! Hammond: Did you sign up for PuzzlePalooza yet? Melinchok: No, I didn't. I need to send the link to my friend. Hammond: You should just sign up without her. Melinchok: Ok, I'm signing up now. (fills in form on her phone) I'll put down my talents as "Greek" and (something else). Student: Isn't there a choice for "Other?" Hammond: There is. Mr. Schafer, did I tell you about the best Other I've seen so far? Schafer: No, what was it? Hammond: It was "the ability to lie and say that Justin Bieber is cool." (class laughs) Hammond: Hey, it isn't my fault that Mr. Ostrander has a man crush on Justin Bieber! ... Hammond: The first rule of Puzzle Lords is that there are no Puzzle Lords. Schafer: That is just wrong in so many ways. ... Hammond: (to Melinchok) do you follow the Puzzle Lords on Twitter? Melinchok: I unfollowed them because they kept on making annoying posts. Schafer: Did you just say you UNfollowed them? Is that even like a thing? That's like saying you unfriended someone, it just doesn't make sense. Hammond: And all of the annoying posts are by Mr. Stein! Melinchok: Oh, I unfollowed him too. (class laughs) Melinchok: Ok..I'll follow the Puzzle Lords, but... (brief pause) Schafer: You'd better be really careful with what you say next. Melinchok: But whenever I see an annoying post, I'll...scroll right past it and pretend that I never saw it! Hammond: ...Someone must be submitting this to Blairbash right now. ... Melinchok: What does it mean, the prizes are huge? Like are they literally huge, or what? Schafer: Well, there are many ways a prize could be huge. Like it could be really big, and you say, "Wow, that's huge." Or it could be about this big (holds his hands about 8 inches apart) but you look at it and you go, "Wow, that's a huge prize." Or its name could be huge, like Huge the Hamster. We haven't done that one yet though.