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June 16, 2023, 11:54 a.m.

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// At Lunch Student 1: I'd rather do calculus than do jesus Student 2: What, you don't like dilfs?



May 15, 2023, 9:50 a.m.

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// French Period 4, talking about French movies Kanza: Trois hommes et un couffin. Can you think of an old American movie that that could be? Student: Three men and a coffin? Kanza: No, no, not a coffin. Three men and a... Other student: A baby? Kanza: Yes. Three men and a baby. Yet another student: Jesus?



Dec. 19, 2022, 10:40 a.m.

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Shriyan: Did Jesus write the Bible?



May 13, 2022, 4:04 p.m.

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//Impromptu Math Talent Show //Hadar and Isaiah presenting about mappings Hadar: So, an example of a mapping: "Isaiah" goes to "Ying", "Hadar" goes to "Ernst" ... Hadar: "United States" goes to "of America", and "Schwartz" goes to "Jesus".



March 23, 2022, 5:35 p.m.

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Andy: I've gotten the captains of so many clubs to come lift with me. Ace: He's Weightlifting Jesus. Caleb: We must spread the gospel of Weightlifting Jesus. //later Katz: Does that mean he'll get crucified on a bench?



Feb. 11, 2022, 4:13 p.m.

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//Sahu talks about what teachers he had when he went to Blair Student: Did you have Mr. Schwartz? Sahu: I don't even know who Mr. Schwartz is. Klees: He's Jesus! Katz: He's more like the second derivative of Jesus. Chun: Then who's the first derivative of Jesus?

"I don't know." "And who's the third derivative of Jesus?" Chen: "The holy spirit?" cf 8345

schwartz, jesus, sahu



Oct. 12, 2019, 2:57 p.m.

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//Talking about people who look like Jesus Aaron: opposed to Schwartz, who just is Jesus. Sam: Eh, he’s more like the second derivative of Jesus.



Jan. 7, 2019, 8:10 p.m.

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//9th Cirincione AP NSL //talking about the family research council, an interest group of evangelical Christians who oppose gay marriage and abortion //they give lawmakers a score of a number of 'thumbs up' for how often they vote the way that the FRC wants them to Student A: If Senator Alexander has 8 thumbs up, how many does Jesus have? Student B: 3! *laughs* Student C: I mean, Jesus said "love your neighbor as yourself," that sounds pretty gay to me.



Feb. 4, 2018, 12:18 p.m.

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Jessica: Oh! I have a class with Jesus! Daphne: ... who? Jessica *pointing at Simon*: Isn't his name Jesus? Debkanya: What? No, that's Simon! Jessica: Last year you said his name was Jesus. Debkanya: No... Jesus is another kid. Jessica: Oh. Later Jessica *sees Simon in hallway*: HI JESUS!



June 7, 2017, 10:58 p.m.

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//"Learning about Pascal's Wager" Schwartz: When you go home and your parents ask you: What did you learn in school today? To believe in God! Schwartz: No don't get me fired.